Christmas season is just around the corner. I’m just wondering if this will just be another ordinary Christmas for me. I hate it, this feeling of guilt whenever this season is coming. Actually, I don’t feel excited. It’s a season to be jolly according to a song, but who cares. I’m in a black hole where Christmas doesn’t exist. Who the hell cares if I’m happy?
I’m not to blame, I wanted it to be a white Christmas but she just won’t let it happen. Now, I got use to it, celebrating Christmas in my solitude when it’s supposed to be an affair together with family and friends. I don’t mind, celebrate it the way you want it, just don’t judge me why I feel this way.
This is becoming harder and harder I know. Every year I want Christmas to end and just pass me by. I’m tired of feeling this way but it’s my only way to survive. Maybe in time I would slowly bring back the good things that this season has once given me. I miss my Christmas! I miss myself. I miss my life! When will I finally give in to what I really want? This hatred is killing me each passing day. I can’t forget and I just can’t forgive. The pain is still here. Christmas is fast approaching and the hatred keeps on building up. I have my reasons and I want it to stay until I finally find that special reason to let go of this pain that has been here for so many years. Well, I can’t stop Christmas from coming. Be it. This black Christmas will continue to exist and will forever plagued me for the rest of my life.
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