Bulong

Akala ko’y ‘di na mauulit

Pangarap ng isang paslit

Dahil sa isang saglit

Puso ko’y muling umawit

Sa ganda mo ako’y nabihag

Huwag ka sanang mahabag

Iyan lang aking maiaambag

Saluhin mo bago pa ako bumalabag

Sa mga mata mong mapang-akit

Ako’y iyong nasungkit

Tanong ko lagi ay bakit?

Masakit, pero tuloy ang pagsabit

Ayoko mang isipin

Ako ngayo’y isang alipin

Handa mo ba akong sagipin?

Malabo, ayoko nang pangarapin

Pero malayo ka man sa akin

Puso’y ikaw pa rin ang tatangkilikin

Di mo ba talaga kayang basahin?

Siguro ayaw mo lang akong paasahin

Mahal kita Chelay

Lahat kaya kong ialay

Pati kaluluwa’y ibibigay

Sa kagaya mo handa akong bumigay

Guilty Man

The graceful touch made it happen

The look must be something

But is it the real thing?

Because you are my everything

Desire starts when you appreciate

It may depreciate but linger

And may end with a ring in your finger

Or even exaggerate your anger

Trust is all we need

Don’t start to plead

I have this special bead

Oh common can’t you read?

But no matter what happens

I have my pen

Forget about Ben

Get in the den and be my number ten

Unfiltered Mind

The moment you start expecting something, it’s when all your dreams blow apart right before your very eyes. Believe me, I’ve seen it all. I’ve been wrecked, brutally abuse, blind folded with my hands tied behind my back, figuratively speaking. It’s all the same wherever you go. They say dream high, yes, but don’t expect too much. Problems start here. You never know what you want until you expect something.

So what’s the best thing to do? There’s no other way but to stop dreaming, so not to expect. This may seem the gutless thing to do but in some cases this thing actually works. Thus this mean we can’t reach our dreams anymore? Probably yes, because how can you get into something without actually wanting to reach that place you want to be in? Common think, I can’t think for you guys always.

I dare you to fight. I want you to stop believing. What I’m saying may not work for you so stop reading this piece of junk I’m writing. I know nothing about achieving and winning. This is how the world works for me and being in this room I am right now makes it more difficult for me to convince that yes I may actually help something with what I’m writing. You may want to stop but definitely you can’t. Waiting for some realization in the end? Sorry to disappoint you but this is how I want to end all this garbage, saying nothing, just wanting to take some space in your crowded state of mind. Now, who are you to judge me? You are free to say what you want to say. I may be in the spotlight now but let me tell you this, may letters are powerful than the words coming out of your discontented, shameless and dysfunctional brains that don’t actually work without somebody commanding it to think. This is what you want right? Look, I feel like nobody. Thanks to you!

Never Ever Apologize

1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.

2. Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn't mean speaking Ebonics.

3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn't work out.

4. Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.

5. Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.

6. Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.

7. Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn't mean you're cheap.

8. Don't apologize for being a single Mom. Babies are a blessing.

9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to show yourself some appreciation.

10. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.

11. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if you did not get married.

12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.

13. Never apologize for saying NO.

14. Never apologize for asking for what you want in bed. If you don't, then who will?

15. Never apologize for wearing a weave or braids. You bought it so it's yours.

16. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There's a reason she's bee n your girl from day one.

17. Never apologize for ordering dessert or more than one dessert.

18. Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn't mean you don't love your brothas.

19. Never apologize for demanding respect. You are to always be treated as a queen.

20. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can't burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out. (Right Girl!)

21. Never apologize for your taste in clothes. It's your style.

22. Never apologize for changing your mind, it is your prerogative.

23. NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING A DECISION FROM YOUR HEART, EVEN IF OTHERS DON'T AGREE. YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES NOT THEM.

24. Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.

25. NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR BEING YOU!

Long Drought

        Finally after months of hibernating, I now have the courage to write again. It’s been a long while since I last put an entry on this blog. Nothing has really changed. I’m still the same old sentimental freak emotional writer who always wanted to be heard.  Times were hard in the last few months, what do you expect. Okay for a while I thought I’ve seen the light but no, it’s just a temporary breathing ground for survival.

        How will I put this? Life continues to be a burden and as always will forever be the same. I just don’t know if in time I can somehow free my mind of the same old sentiments that keeps on haunting me. For a while I thought I found her but it’s just a reality I know I can’t handle. She’s nice but she’s not it. She’s not the one who can complete me. I have no regrets of loving her but as they say reality bites. Same old issues, my time, my personality, her personality. It just won’t fit.

        Now, I’m here again escaping the vicious reality of finding the real one person who can make me feel I’m real as I am. I have no intentions of hurting her but its better to leave things this way not to aggravate and hurt more in the future. I still would want to settle that’s one thing for sure but the question remains, with whom? I know you’re just around the corner. Take your time; my door is always open for you. I don’t know when but for sure this very important time will come to finally free me from all these despair and misery. I deserve to be happy that’s why I keep on believing and breathing!

Time Capsule

Have you seen the skies lately?

Reminds me of good memories

The happy moments that we had

How sad, now we’re both mad

 

It was just yesterday when I lost sight

We shared our dreams and walked into the light

Then you disappeared in the night

All the while I thought everything was right

 

It’s life changing and it burdens me

I was left standing in the middle

Not knowing how to answer this riddle

It was never meant to end in a fiddle

 

Now, I don’t have the time to explain

I’m soaked up and in pain

I’m not sure if I’m still sane

Accompany me as I walk out of this rain  

 

How will we ever know?

Can happiness find its way back?

In time, hopefully when the right time comes

When we’re old enough to fall in love again

Final Cut

         I never thought that life could be this brutal and devastating.  As I went home the pouring rain reminded that somehow things will eventually subside and clear for the better.

         I was half awake, half dead fighting the emotions that has been there for a while. The sudden gust of wind that used to carry me to the right direction suddenly became my worst nightmare. I was stuck in the middle of the road not wanting to go home for I know eventually reality will once again set in giving me no option but to confer to this hatred and fear I’m feeling inside. I was knocked out hearing that the final road to happiness has finally ended.

       I should be happy, I really should, but I’m here blogging every sentiment that’s left of me. I’m free but the pain is there. I could feel it inching in to my system and confronting my conscience. What’s next for me? What can I expect? Will tomorrow be a brighter one for me? The pain is real. The joy is there to explore and to feel. I deserved to be happy but not to the expense of others. I’m running out of time, running out of emotions to share, I’m on the edge of losing everything. Is it all worth it? Is this the right thing to do? Clear my mind as I go through this final cut…