Now I'm Talking

      I’ve been watching the stars in the night for almost everyday of my life. I am hoping that someday the questions that I’ve been looking for would somehow be answered. It was not long ago when everything seems perfect in my life. I have everything that anyone can aspire for. Believe me when I say that it was seemingly a perfect life; but as the saying goes not all good things last.

         I never thought that I would be as unfortunate as I am now. I barely could feel what it’s like to be happy. My world stopped all of a sudden. The changes that I never imagined started to happen in my life. I lost myself, my family and the one thing that makes me alive and happy… and that is love. I could not believe everything that I see now. It was fast; the changes have eaten me whole. I could not handle it because I never thought that I would be in this situation. God knows how I live my life the way she wants me to live it. I gave it all, my heart and soul but I lost the battle. I didn’t reserve anything for myself. Now I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere wanting and grasping every air that comes my way just to survive another day. I wanted to be fair, I wanted to understand why things have to happen but as the day passes I’m starting to realize that there’s no one to be blamed but myself. This would never happen if I didn’t allow it to happen. But what can I do, I just did what my heart wants me to do. I let my heart decide and the rest was fucking history.  

        So what is the point in all these? Actually I really don’t know. All I know is I want to talk from within. I want people to understand what I’m going through right now. It’s ironic though that I’m still here busy entertaining my emotion when I should be doing something to move out of this black hole. I may not know how, but I will try to finally free myself from this agony.

        This is not meant to be read, it’s meant to be understood so not to judge me on how I stated my emotion and thoughts on this piece. I may sound sensitive…I really don’t mind. All I want is to let everything out before it explode and becomes out of control. Now, I’m really talking!