If I were not a writer slash editor slash producer what would I be now? If I didn’t conquer my fear before would I be as lonely as I am now? So many questions so little time to answer them accurately. But seriously, I guess going back to these unfamiliar queries somehow helps us face the present and what tomorrow has in store for us.
Actually, I’m not being regretful or anything, I just want to find answers to these what if questions that once upon a time affected my decisions and perceptions in life. Ok, if I were not a writer, I’d probably be a haciendero. Yah you heard me right, a haciendero. I would probably be living in an isolated barrio somewhere in the south managing my own hacienda. You see I love nature so much; a laidback living in that case would fit me perfectly. I would just be hanging around in this sanctuary, breathing fresh air as I await the night and the next morning of my life. Of course this would be spent with my family. Hmmm…tasting fresh fruits everyday, swimming the freshest waters and simply enjoying life as it unfolds That’s what you call living. Hay, I just wish these were all true.
Next, if I didn’t conquer my fear before would I be as lonely as I am now? The answer is hell no! Definitely, I would be happy at present if I did so. I must admit, life has never been fair to me. I’ve been to many battles, some of them I won and some I lost but still I’m standing firm on the ground ready for the next big war in my life. Ok, I was overwhelmed before. I fought the battle fair. As a true soldier I conquered my fear and fought for what I believed in. I sacrificed my personal happiness for a new life, which during that time was the right thing to do. I was so focused and determined to get the responsibility that was given to me without any hesitation…and of course because of love. Now, though I have no regret, still it made me think, what if I didn’t fight for that love? What if I cowardly faced that problem then? For sure I’ll be happy now…that’s for sure! But then again, it’s past already. The decision has been made and all I can do which is now I’m doing is just to look back and write it down for the next generations to read and learn from. Huh, feels so good, somehow!
If only…two simple words yet so very powerful. Huh! Give me a break! I guess all that matter now is to simply remember all those what if’s, forgive oneself and move on. Sounds simple but very difficult to do. Others can do it, but there are some who just can’t. So to survive, let it out and express it but in a nice way. Keep the questions coming as I find answer to mine before I finally end this composition. You? Do u have your own what if’s in life?
No comments:
Post a Comment