Reversible Love

It's all over
I lied when I told you
I love you
Believe in me
I don't want you anymore
I'm just prentending
I'm happy when you're around
But the truth is
I want you to leave
I was fooling myself that
I need you
Please listen to me
I'll leave you eventually
I lied when I told you
I still love you

(Read backwards)

Undone

Have you tried closing your eyes?
Do you see the darkness?
Or you simply don't care?
All you can do is just stare

You can't even see me
I'm in your head not in your heart
I'm miserable & it's all that matters
For you I'm just a clutter

Heavily feel my every breath
Feel the pain I want to create
It's late & I haven't slept yet
Something I can't manipulate

Do you actually hear my voice?
Or you only hear a noise?
See I can't even talk
The bitterness...

I'm a scared soul...
The struggle...
You wonder why?
Washing...hands in denial

Stand up while...
I cried once...
...I almost died
Nothing...

 .......
Tell me how to complete
I feel...
Saddest poet ever...

Qatar Is Love

Nine months ago, I was at the peak of my career having everything under control in a snap of my finger. I was then a Senior Executive Producer for a local television network for 17 years in the Philippines. But fate has its ways of changing our lives when we least expect it. I resigned from my work seeking my real purpose in life and then Qatar happened.

I decided to move to Qatar hoping for a breath of fresh air and I got it. I wanted to live freely and independent from others as I find my happiness in life again. Qatar is love as my title suggests. It’s a haven, a paradise in the middle of nowhere ready to share its marvel and beauty to my lost soul. I was amazed by its conservative culture and religious Muslim beliefs. The Qataris were very accommodating and though the heat is scorching hot, its warmth carried me throughout this life-changing journey that I always wanted to happen.


Life in Qatar is beautiful but tough. Getting a job despite my years of experience is not a guarantee. I had a few stints in two companies and I was looking for more. But despite all the challenges, the journey of landing that dream job continues. I’m ready to endure what Qatar has in store for me just like surviving the heat of the sun here, I will survive. Managing my expectations is one thing I learned here. Qatar in an instant changed how I view life because here you are on your own. You have no one to rely on but yourself. Independence is a must, a trait that I truly embraced that is so evident among Qataris. Along with this is also faith which embodies Qatar’s rich religious Muslim heritage. I’m so blessed to have experienced Ramadan for the first time. It’s unbelievable how the Qataris value so much their religion. I saw their dedication and sacrifices during this time that made me look after my own Catholic faith. It’s a surreal feeling of divine intervention that changed me and made me hopeful that in time, I’ll find my real purpose in life.

I haven’t seen much of Qatar and I’m excited to discover more about it. I’m ready for change and more than willing for more changes to happen in the days to come. Qatar will always be love, and I love life. I’m happy to continue my journey here and eventually be happy again.

The GCC Crisis

The worst is yet to come?

It has been two years since the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) crisis ignited and it shows a little sign of ending any time soon. Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates (UAE), Bahrain and Egypt who cut their economic and diplomatic ties with Qatar by imposing a land, air and sea blockade are firm with their positions of isolating the latter from the rest of the Middle East. Though the crisis has meddled down a bit, the tension among these Arab countries continues in silence as they all struggle to combat the effects of this massive turmoil.


But for Qatar, life must go on. Since the rift worsened they slowly established their independence from Saudi Arabia and the rest of the Arab countries. It modernized its domestic front by building infrastructure and even raising the standard of living of its citizens in just two years. Its vast reserves of hydrocarbon remain to be Qatar’s greatest source of survival in overcoming the aftermath of the crisis.
On the other hand, the ‘anti-terror quartet’ of Saudi Arabia, UAE, Bahrain, and Egypt continue to strengthen their alliances economically to get hold of the lion’s share in the region. By merging their economic and financial stabilities, their political and security objectives will reign supreme over other international allegiances. But as the blockade continues, we now wonder? Where will this crisis lead us?

Change is inevitable, this may seem far from being over, the way things are developing this will definitely change the landscape of the Middle East deserts in no time or has it did? As long as all countries involved will not arrive at a simple diplomatic compromise or anything equivalent to it, the GCC conflict will continue forever. The world landscape will also be affected as these countries try to get worldwide support at any cause to sustain their economic supremacy and protect their countries’ interests. Allegiances of countries may rift apart the world in two and things will never be the same again.
The crisis will stay. It will go on and the least that these countries can do is to continue to adapt until the whole problem is eradicated and compromising will never be an option again. Wealthiest countries like Saudi Arabia and fast-rising Qatar will continue to dominate the world with their alliances like the United States of America to name a few, just a step behind all their motives and worldwide agendas. Now, that is something to look forward to.

Patulong

'Di ka ba napapagod?
Lahat sila kumakayod
Pero ikaw nakatanghod
Kahit panay ang iyong sugod
Sa simbahan lagi kang nakaluhod
Pero hanggang ngayon ika'y nakasahod

May nangyari ba?
Meron bang naiba?
Kahit gusto mong may maisalba
Wala tuloy pa rin iyong pagbaba
Bawat oras lagi kang kakaba-kaba
Kahit lagi ka namang sumasamba

Pahingi naman ng tulong
Ganyan, lagi mong dinadaan sa bulong
Lahat gagawin mo para lang may tumulong
Sa inaasam mong pagbabago na urong-sulong
Kahit alam mo titigil din ang gulong
Ng buhay mong sobrang pagulong-gulong

May buhay din sila
'Di ikaw ang dapat mauna sa pila
Huwag umasa lagi sa himala
Pigilan ang isipan sa paggala
Sa mga alam mong wala ka naman mapapala
Sabi nga, si Maria lang ang bukod na pinagpala

'Di ka ba napapagod?
Pwes ako pagod na
Sa bawat pag-aalay nila nakakahiya na
Sila naman, ako na lang lagi ang nauuna
Kapuna-puna dapat maiba na
Tulong nila sapat na sapat na

Help in Help

Today, I felt once again the anger I used to manifest when I was out of control before. My self-confidence was down, self-pity was high, my mind is working like a well-oiled machine for disaster and my urge to get back at someone right away were all struggling to get out of my system. But two people made me realise that I am human after all and that life can be bad at times, but it could get better!

The first person is about to lose his job in two weeks time. He has literally nothing on his pocket now and is uncertain about his future. But he is calm. He smiles a lot and remained positive that eventually he'll get work again. He has no complains about his situation and is patiently waiting for his time to come again.

The other person had a bad day. His whole salary was eaten up by the bank due to his loans. Life is also hard. He has financial obligations of his own too and is struggling to make both ends meet. But despite all these, he remained cool and even offered help to this first person I mentioned above. Giving a simple dinner for his friend in need and a couple of bucks to get him through the next days, is truly remarkable. I was touched. Giving a helping hand when you yourself is also in need of help is extraordinary.

This was a wonderful scene that made me think, is my anger worth it? Are my complains on life valid? Do my self-pity matters? If they can be positive about life, then why can't I be like them? I'm a recovering asshole and I choose to remain on the the right track. Thank you, my hope in humanity is restored once again even for a day!

Pusong Naligaw

'Di kita malimutan
Kahit dati ako'y iyong sinimangutan
Sa taglay mong ganda
Bigla tuloy naging handa
Ang puso kong naligaw
Ikaw lamang ang nakaagaw

Mundo ko'y bigla nabuhay
Mga mata ko'y muling pumungay
Sa isa mo lang ngiti
Pati langit iyong napapangiti
Para tuloy akong nabunutan
Ng tinik sa puso kong nasugatan

Alam ko 'di ko na kaya
Ang sa iba ay muling sumaya
Ang pusong nilaan ko sa kanya
Sarili ko lang pala aking dinaya
Dahil sa iyo lang ako liligaya
Kaya pala natuto akong magparaya

Ngayon malinaw na sa akin
Bakit kase sa iba pa ko tumingin?
Salamat at 'di ka bumitiw
Parang 'yung binigay mong sisiw
Nakaaliw, napapaindak sa bawat saliw
Ng musika kaya ako sa iyo'y nabaliw

May mga bagay na sadyang tinadhana
Mahirap ipaliwanag tsaka na nga
Ang mahalaga 'yung 'tayo' na
Akin ka at ako'y sa'yo na
Sa wakas natapos na
Ito na ang simula game na

Wala Ng Tayo

Akala ko naman kaya ko
Pigilan ang oras at mangako
Pero lahat ngayon napako
Sa paghabol napunta sa kabilang dako
Kasalanan ko, iyong inako

Sa lamig ng hangin
Parang mahuhulog sa bangin
Along 'di ko alam saan ako dadalin
Kalangitang sumasalamin
Sa maling desisyon ako rin ang salarin

Sana iningatan kita
'Di ko kase talaga makita
Para kaseng iba ka sinta
'Di ko maisplika, parang musika
Paulit-ulit parang isang replika.

Paano ko pa ba maibabalik?
Oras na nawala sa isang pitik
'Di ko na alam ang susunod na titik
Siksik na siksik walang halong plastik
Tangi ko lang hiling ang iyong halik

Pero huli na ang lahat
Alam kong 'di ako karapatdapat
Sa pagmamahal mong walang katapat
Lapat na lapat, 'di ako ang nararapat
Isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat sana naging tapat

Sa aking paglayo agad kang tumayo
Makinig ka na sa kanilang payo
Ang puso mo muling mapapasa'yo
'Di ko na 'yan madadala sa kabilang ibayo
Paaalam na, wala ng tayo

Huling Paalam

Magulo ang aking utak
Bakit sa inyo 'di 'yan tumatak?
Humihingi ako ng tulong
Wala man lang sa aki'y sumalubong
Kaya 'dinaan ko na lang sa bulong
Kaya eto ako, lalong nalulong
Aanhin mo pa ang damo
Kung patay na kabayo mo

Mahirap bang makinig?
Bakit ayaw niyong pakinggan aking panig?
Kahapon pa ko nayayanig
Daig ko pa ang binalot sa banig
Gusto ko lang naman inyong marinig
Kahit hirap na hirap iparating aking tinig
'Di mapakali at nanginginig
Sa takot at lungkot sana inyong narinig

Sabi niyo lilipas din 'yan
Ayusin mo sarili mo bukas wala na 'yan
Pero tinanong niyo ba ako kung bakit?
Bakit ang sakit-sakit, sarap pumikit
Itsura ko tuloy lalong pumapangit
Bakit ba kayo ganyan kalupit?
Sa aking sinapit ayaw ko na tuloy lumapit
Dapat ganito, dapat ganyan pero bakit?

Minsan 'di niyo na kailangan magsalita
Yakap lang maganda na 'yung balita
Hatid nito'y saya ng parang sa mga bata
Isang tapik nga lang tanggal na aking irita
Mahalaga alam kong kahit walang salita
Kahit ako'y madalas pang nakahilata
Pitpitin man paulit-ulit na parang lata
'Di man kayo makata salamat kahit 'di halata

Kailangan ko lang inyong pang-unawa
'Di yung kayo pa ang lumalabas na kawawa
Tampulan na lang lagi ng sisi
Oo na kaya nga eto ako ngayo'y nagsisi
Sa nalalabi kong pang oras
Bibitbitin ko pa rin aking angas
'Di ako ungas kayo lang ang 'di bukas
Paalam wala ng darating na bukas

Note: Another soul gone too soon. This one is for you Brian Velasco (Razorback) and to those who needs to be heard before it's too late. R.I.P brother!

Persons feeling they need assistance may call Hopeline hotlines 804-HOPE (4673); 0917-558-HOPE (4673); or 2919 (toll-free number for Globe and TM subscribers).

Moonlight Comfort

The moon is already out
It's shinning so bright
I should not pout
Though everything is in drought
Each and every doubt
I always look to the south

Cover me with your light
Oh I wish I have you tonight
Lift me my spirit with delight
I don't want you out of my sight
Please make this night right
Promise I'll always be your knight

Comfort me as I sigh
I almost wanted to die
You know I'll never ever lie
This heart that wants to see the sky
Clear & without any question why
This time I'll give it a try

Sing me a lullaby
Don't you dare say goodbye
I'll change to keep us high
I'll never again make you cry
Your light will keep us dry
As we walk under the mooonlight

I already said this twice
I'll say it again & roll the dice
I always want it whole not just a slice
Your love that's so nice & those eyes
That comfort all those lies
Now, I feel I'm in paradise

Tonight, I want to feel you
Keep it close & I'll show you
There's no better way to tell you
I love you & everything about you
You're moonlight comfort makes me feel neat
That's why my life now is complete

Saving Grace

Many times I cried
With my two hands tied
As I slowly lose my mind
You were there & was so kind
Oh you never left my side

I was grasping for air
Thinking everything was unfair
Though I know I was aware
You saved me & helped me prepare
What you did is beyond compare

Many times I was scared
I thought nobody really cared
So I gave it all & shared
My everything as you gradually stared
Then I thought I wish this could be repaired

On my darkest nights
You gave so much light
And when I was out of sight
You held me real tight
It felt right & everything was bright

Looking at you right now
I ask myself how
If only you will allow
Follow me then give me a bow
As I prepare our special vow

Huli Na

Akala ko naman ayos ka
Kaya nga ito 'di ko maisplika
Ang linya sa'yong mga musika
Nakakapagtaka sana nagsabi ka

Tahimik ka lang walang reklamo
Sa maliit mong mundo ikaw ang amo
Kung dati ay nagsusumamo
Bakit ngayon parang tutang maamo?

'Di ko man lang nakita
Unti-unti ka na palang naiirita
Iniiwasan mong magbanta
Sa loob pala ikaw ay natataranta

Mahirap isipin alam ko
Mag-isa ka at madalas nabablanko
Para kang ikunulong sa sako
'Di makahinga nakakainis nasan ba ako?

Ako dapat ang iyong takbuhan
Sinubukan mo kaso ikaw ay naunahan
Hirap at sakit iyong naging basehan
Sumuko ka dahil wala ka na maasahan

Ang sakit, bakit ba nakakapagsisi?
Kung hinabaan ko lang sana ang aking pisi
Sana nandiyan ka pa at walang masisisi
Pero sabi nga nila nasa huli ang pagsisisi

Ngayon tahimik ka na
Problema ay 'di mo na alintana
Sa pagsilip mong muli sa bintana
Ngiti ang ipakita salamat at ayos ka na

*Inspired by the story of Nas' japanese friend who took his own life!