What Might Have Been

         It’s funny how true love finds its way to our hearts the moment we’re all set to say, “Yes, I’m ready this time.” A beautiful song of finally giving into one’s desire and starting something new again after a long search for true happiness. I guess it’s about time. I’m ready now!

 

What Might Have Been

By: Pardini Lou

 

Somewhere lost in the wind

I'm watching you

Sunlight touching your hair

And I remember somehow

We said that we would never stray

But somehow we lost our way

Promises to often spoken

Are easily broken apart

 

I'm ready this time

I know that I'm

No longer undecided

Don't want to be a fool wondering

What might have been

Trace of forever lingering

Drawing me closer to you

A new beginning

 

Now I know

There is no doubt

I understand

Just how fragile love can be

I can't forget

Your memory found me

Now I know where I belong

 

I'm ready this time

I know that I'm

No longer undecided

Don't want to be a fool wondering

What might have been

Through every day

And into the night

With only love to guide us

I'm ready to go

Cause I've got to know

What might have been

Let the loving decide

I can't run I can't hide

 

I want you to know

My heart will show

That I'm ready this time

I know that I'm

No longer undecided

Don't want to be a fool wondering

What might have been

 

 

I've searched everywhere

And nothing compares

When we've got love to guide us

I'm ready to go

I've got to know

What might have been

 

I'm wondering

What might have been

I want to know

What might have been

We're going to find

What might have been

Oh I want to know

What might have been

Oh what might have been

We’re going to find

What might have been

I want to know

What might have been

Strawberry Fields

        I just can’t believe it, after all these years I never thought that this heart would still feel something for this girl whom I’ve already forgotten. It’s surreal, it’s magical, I don’t know what to say. It’s an ecstasy, feeling alone and isolated then one night everything would change drastically from nothing to everything.

          She’s still beautiful, the girl I fell in love with many years ago. The smile remained, the look, the feeling and all it’s glory were all in tact as I fervently waited for my moment to come. She would glance at me as I intentionally directed my attention to the people we were with. She would smile back at me as she would want others not to notice it. And finally, after hearing the words straight from her mouth that she still cares makes me want to jump in ecstasy. I just couldn’t believe it. The feeling is mutual, it’s real and I could sense it coming. We might have gone our own separate ways, but still the feeling remained. Is this real or I’m just dreaming? She said it straight; she did, as I talked to her as she patiently zoomed her way home. What the fuck is wrong with me? To hell with that, to hell with everything that is along the way. I was and still is in love with her after these years.

          Ok, what happened next. The planning stage, the stage where I have to face the truth. I might have missed or simply was just assuming but to hear it straight from her is something to be hopeful about. I’m not jumping into any conclusion but believe me, I can still feel it, I could still see in her eyes that she still cares. Well, its up to the heavens above if this chance would finally stop the hurting and pain that has been inflicting my not so blessed life. The end is yet to be unfold, it’s up to fate where this second chance to be happy would lead us!

 

Arvin Gives Back

             To those people who have touched my life...who I became close with...who painstakingly read and replied to every blog I've written...thank you so much! You never knew how it help me go through each and everyday of my life. I hope next year would be a more personal relationship with you all guys. Again from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much! Merrry Christmas to all of you and to your respective families! 

Final Curtain Call

It looks like time is near

Since you’ve been gone I had this fear

I thought its love that I hear

Tell me why everything is unclear

You are there and I am here

 

I wanted life to be as real

As these moments in my reel

Although it appears surreal

Still, why did you break this seal?

Can you somehow finish this meal?

 

I stood by your side

Coz’ you told me it’s all worth the ride

I listened and swallowed my pride

All these years I cried

God knows how I really tried

 

Now, we’re in the middle of nowhere

Torn apart, can we fix this somewhere?

I’m asking before it’s too late

We can still unlock this gate

Hold on as I veer my magic slate 

Shopping Blast

        I don’t believe it; Christmas season is really here. Actually I only felt it when I did my first shopping a while ago. I went to three different venues to shop for my friends and family, and with a tight budget, I really had a hard time finding the best finds for them. Thank God! I went home with my mind still intact.

          Ok for my first stop, Glorietta in Makati City for my posh friends. Huh! One perfume, one bag and two blouses, not bad and it cost almost 7k, if not only these people are close to me, I wouldn’t spend this much! God! Off to my next stop!

          After 3 grueling hours of shopping in Glorietta, I went to Greenhills shopping center in San Juan. Actually, it feels like heaven to be back in this place again. Ever since this place is my comfort zone. I know exactly where to find the things I want to buy since my parents used to bring me here whenever I need something when I was still a kid. Ok enough of that, back to my shopping expedition, it took me about an hour to buy everything I needed. Hmm…a pair of shoes, a bag, a polo shirt for my employees, a toy for my pamangkins and of course a brand new pants and shirt for me.  I also was able to check on the camera that I was planning to buy. Well, by Christmas I’m hoping that I could bring that Canon camera home. Huh, had enough? I’m not done yet!

          Last stop, SM Megamall in Mandaluyong City. I bought 1 case of beer in can, three red wines, one bed sheet, 2 pillowcases, gift wrappers, 1 cellphone and 3000 worth of grocery for my Noche Buena, alone! Great! I’m off to great start. Not bad, for this large amount of money spent in one day. God, I have nothing left, thank God I still have my salary for next week to survive another 2 weeks before the New Year. Anyway, it’s not all about the amount of money I’ve spent. I just want to make these people around me happy. With these little gifts, I’m sure I can see their smiles once again as I face another Christmas day alone

The Chosen One

     Every relationship is a leap of faith. Blind faith, at that. You never know what metamorphosis your partner will undergo in the next twenty years…or the next twenty minutes for that matter.

How often have you heard a friend say, "He/she is just not the one I thought he/she was..." 

After suffering through another relationship break up, how often have you said it yourself?

         How often have you invested time, energy, love, affection and maybe even money in someone you thought was THE ONE, only to find out weeks, months, or years later that your judgment was clouded by hope but detached from reality?

       When one of your relationships has ended in a break up, heartache, and hurt feelings, how often have you looked back and said to yourself, "I should have seen this coming. I should have seen the signs."

"I should have known better..."

Toughest Asshole Alive

       I’ve been up and down trying to get my life in the right direction for almost three years now. With so many obstacles that I’ve been through, I would say that I’m one of those who knew exactly what surviving is all about. I’ve flown the dark gloomy skies of defeat and disappointments. I’ve drowned myself to the fires of hell. Who would ever think that up to now I’m still alive, breathing and writing this piece of shit. Want to know the secret? Get your ass wedged and be one of the toughest assholes walking on God’s green earth!

1) Mind your own business.

2) Identify the problem immediately and find ways to remedy it the soonest possible time.

3) Set aside your emotions and practice insensitivity always.

4) Speak your mind and say what you want to say.

5) Always push yourself to the limit.

6) Express yourself and do what you want to do as long as you know you’re right.

7) Trust your instinct.

8) Bite back and whoop some ass if needed.

9) Don’t trust anybody.

10) Accept defeat, stand up and compose yourself for tomorrow is another day.

An Honest Mistake

       I just can’t get over it. I can still remember the saddened faces of those five people whom I unintentionally disappointed last night. How could I explain it? Ok let me start by apologizing. The thing that happened last night was a big mistake, I call it an honest mistake, which I never intended to do. Well, I guess you’ve already encountered this in your lives; you have good intentions but because you’re too much focused on achieving that goal, you sometimes tend to forget little details that also make up that said goal. It sometimes or should I say most of the time results into mistakes which you never would want to happen.

         All I was thinking was everybody’s welfare. I want everybody to be happy but then things aren’t really meant to be like that. The ending is, I still wasn’t able to achieve my goal and that is to make them happy and enjoy the party. Honestly, I felt guilty. I felt I could have done something if only I was aware of the situation. If only I saw it coming. Ok it’s my fault and I admit it. But I want to clear that it was never planned, never intended and it simply was an overwhelming error that could have been prevented if I was reminded.

         With this experience another lesson was learned…the hard way again! I tried to fix everything before the night was over but it just won’t work. Anyway, I take full responsibility of the incident and I’m sorry! Well, as I’ve said my apologies to these five people.

Pay It Forward

         I was about to call the night off when I stumbled upon the remote control of my television and started surfing channels. I was getting bored until I came across HBO channel and saw this beautiful movie.  Actually, this is one of my all-time favorites because of its being sensitive and true on the various reality of living in a troubled world like ours. The message is so simple; if you can just do 3 things for 3 special people and asked that 3 people to do the same to another 3 people then the world would be a better place to live in.

         Based on the novel by Catherine Ryan Hide, “Pay It Forward” is a movie about a young boy who trips upon a simple way to change the world in this drama. Trevor (Haley Joel Osment) is a bright 11-year-old boy who comes from a troubled home; his mother Arlene (Helen Hunt) is an alcoholic trying to hold down two jobs to support her son, while Trevor's father Jon Bon Jovi) left his family behind some time ago.

          At school, Trevor's class is introduced to their new social studies teacher, Mr. Simonet (Kevin Spacey), a guarded man with severe facial scars. Simonet gives his class an unusual assignment -- think up a practical way to make the world a better place, and put it into action. Trevor comes up with the notion of Pay It Forward" -- do a needed favor for three different people without being asked, and then ask them to do the same for three others.

         Trevor starts by letting Jerry (James Caviezal), a junkie living on the streets, stay in his home. Next, he tries to fix Arlene up with Mr. Simonet, since both seem to be lonely and the clean and sober teacher might help Arlene stay away from alcohol. Finally, he tries to rescue one of his schoolmates, who is constantly tormented by bullies. Meanwhile, journalist Chris Chandler (Jay Mohr) finds himself stuck on the road without a car late one night when a man stops and give him the keys to a new car, asking him only to pay the favor forward to someone else; astonished, Chris wants to find out where this philosophy came from. From there, the quest on finding the origin of the Pay It Forward movement starts and the journey of Trevor begins in this very unique tale of sharing goodness and making a difference to the world!

          If only we can all be like Trevor everything will be in harmony. It just takes one baby step to make it all happen. The message of this movie is really something we can think about. I was moved by this movie and honestly have somehow changed the way I view life. If only I can be him…I just wish I can also pay it forward and help make this world a better place to live in!

Expect The Unexpected

         It was a wonderful day yesterday. I woke up happy and very much excited on what the day has in stored for me. All the while I thought everything was going my way until I received the news. I was saddened and was really frustrated. The money that I was expecting to get this month will only be minimal and would not be enough for my plans.

           I’m planning to go to Hongkong and Singapore. Actually I planned it already two months ago because I was expecting that I would be getting my money full. I’ve made my reservations already. My mind is set on the said trips but unfortunately I have to choose only one for the simple reason that I can’t anymore afford to go on two trips. My money wouldn’t be enough. Fuck! I hate it. I just hate this kind of situation wherein you’re already focused on something then suddenly it will change. It’s not my first time to go to these countries but the point is, I’m already set and everything is in the right places already. It’s really frustrating. This sudden change of plans and uncontrollable circumstances really pisses me off. I just hope that somehow things will still change before I finally call these trips off.

            Whenever I’m in this kind of situation, I always want to be relaxed and refine as much as I can. I don’t want to ruin my Christmas vacation but I guess there’s no way I can escape it. This will just be another lonely and boring Christmas for me. Oh well, that’s life I guess, ever changing and simply out of control. So not to be hurt don’t expect. Always expect the unexpected so when that exasperating and maddening time comes, you’ll know how to handle and deal with it the proper way. Huh!  

Fill Her

         They conquered the music stream and changed the music industry in the early 90’s. Four different souls destined for fame and glory, The Eraserheads. Feel their song and live their lyrics in this lovely song entitled, “Fill Her”. You don’t need to leave; I’ll be here for you, promise!

 

Fill Her

By: The Eraserheads

 

You don't need to leave

It seems a bit naive

No need to disagree

Or seek my history

 

You’re staring at my soul

My sanity you stole

But then I knew all along

That anything could go wrong

 

Though I can see you I can feel you

I’m so glad you opened the door

And when I get near all my fears disappear

And I won't be alone anymore

Reliving Iskul Bukol

         Iskul Bukol is a defunct Philippine situational comedy show that was aired on the IBC 13 network in the 1977 through 1989. It stars the comedic trios of Tito Sotto, Vic Sotto, and Joey de Leon. The show centered on the fictional Wanbol University. The show's theme song, also titled "Iskul Bukol", is sung to the tune of Elvis Presley's "All Shook Up."

* Tito Escalera (Tito Sotto) - One half of the Escalera brothers, who plots harebrained schemes in every episode.

* Joey Escalera (Joey De Leon) - The other Escalera sibling. Miss Tapia has a crush on him.

* Vic Ungasis (Vic Sotto) - the good-looking and smart teacher's pet with a chick-magnet personality. The Escaleras often pick on him during class.

* Miss Tapia (Mely Tagasa) - Wanbol University's resident professor who often gets on the Escalera brothers' nerves.

* Mang Temi (Bing Angeles) - the dark-complexioned operator of the university's cafeteria. His name is a play on the Filipino word "itim" (black or dark), rearranged the 70's Filipino way, "Tim-i" or "Tem-i," in the same manner as words in the vernacular are rearranged. Example: bath = ligo = go-li.

* Tonette Macho (Anthony Roquel) - the gay student who plays as bestfriend of the fairest girl in class. He is also the nemesis of the Escalera Brothers.

* Inang (Dely Atay-Atayan) - Vic's mother from the town of Tiaong, Quezon. Famous for her term of endearment "Bunsooyy!" whenever addressing Vic. The root word "bunso" is Tagalog for youngest child.

* Joey Anson (Joey Albert) - a student whom Vic likes.

Lovely Day

        After a long time of searching I finally found this song that I’ve been looking for so many months now. God I just love this song. “Lovely Day” by Parliament Syndicate made it big in the later part of the 90’s. Indeed truly worth the search. The song is so inspirational that you will fall in love in no time upon hearing it. I just wish I could spend that lovely day with my special someone…

 

Lovely Day

By: Parliament Syndicate

 

Seconds up and wakes me once again

Wants me up just like a good old friend

 

And I wait for sleep away in such a lovely day

Thinking maybe I should call you up and say

That id love to be with you today

Nothing much to do here anyway

Will you take me for a ride

Out to the countryside

Spend this lovely day together you and I

 

I’m trying to say

I miss you baby

I can’t wait to be with you

Hey my love I’m ready to spend this lovely day with you

 

We could go out walking in the sun holding hands

Now wouldn’t that be fun oh

And shouldn’t start to rain well head for home again

And watch the world go by together you and I

 

I’m trying to say

I miss you baby

I can’t wait to be with you hey

Hey my love I’m ready to spend this lovely day with you

 

Spend this lovely day(2x)

With you

 

I’m trying to say

I miss you baby

I can’t wait to be with you hey

Hey my love I’m ready to spend this lovely day with you

 

Oh no baby, I can’t wait to be with you

Hey my love I’m ready to spend this lovely day with you

Oohhh baby I can’t wait to be with you

Final Verdict

         Decision-making has always been my strongest asset. I’ve been to it all, may it be personal, family, friends and work related decisions, I always end up with the right and just decision that’s as far as I know. But deciding isn’t easy at all. I still consider it a burden because most of the time emotion not just your critical thinking is on the line when giving a fair and an objective decision.

          In the last three weeks I’ve been preoccupied with this one decision I have to make before the jolly season of Christmas finally ends. The reason is because I don’t want to make that decision. I don’t want to spoil anyone’s yuletide celebration. There’s so much at stake here and I know someone has to take the decision whether he likes it or not. Honestly, I hate being in this situation where you have to choose and let go of someone to survive. I just don’t get it…I don’t want to be the cause of anyone’s misery, but then again I have to stay firm with everything I do for the welfare of others. In other words I still have to decide.

         Ok to cut the story short, I’ve already made a decision, the only thing I’m writing this blog is to let go of my sentiments on this one important decision. What I want you to understand is that decision-making is one tough task to start with and finish at the end of the day. That it takes time, effort and objectivity to finally come up with one. Anyway, I know the decision I’ve made will surely be a blessing in disguise for this person. I know it’s the best thing for him at the mean time. I just hope everything will be okay…

Bitter Distant Love Affair

      Many will surely react on this idea that long distance relationship just won’t work. I guess for some it’s a given, love just won’t endure distance and time all at the same time. It’s a total waste of time to be longing to someone who is 10 seas and approximately 25 mountains away from you.

      But for some hopeless romantics, patience, love, trust and honesty are all you need to make it all work. Of course, why not, it could be; but definitely not an assurance that this so called I love you coming from the two sides of the world will surely work on your advantage and eventually save the relationship.

  

   Well dream on! Grab the stars in the sky, sing a damn lullaby and cross the distant mountains, it just won’t happen. Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t even attempt to put your emotion on the line or even be in a long distance relationship. Read. Understand. Survive. And live to tell your story! 

1) There is a definite reason why he/she is on that country. How long can you take that you’re just his/her second, third or even last priority on his/her list?

2) You’ll never know when will you see each other again or perhaps will there be even a chance? Risk everything but not your emotion and time my dear.

3) Again the same old problem…understanding each other. How in the hell will you find someone as understanding as a stupid guy madly in love to understand everything when you’re on two different continents of the world?

4) There are better people around you. Look, stop and date all you want because they might just be living a city away and not a country away. Explore more but not the world for that ultimate dream girl or guy in your life.

5) It’s financially damaging…probably one of the lousiest excuses but checking reality, its true. You need to check on your financial status because you might end up your whole life savings for call cards, Internet bills and I love you and miss you greeting cards. 

6) After getting a hang of it, you’ll eventually settle for a given day and time to talk since your emotions are all already in place. Ok, a regular schedule in other words is on the making. It could be 6 times a week if still new and madly attached to each other, then after sometime, 3 times a week will be fine since we both have work. Fair enough? Eventually in no time, it could be thrice a month…twice a month…once every two months…and before you know it, it could be once every blue moon? Great and without you noticing it, the love you’ve been dying to have from the start will sooner or later fade with the months and years of no consistent communication.

7) If you have no plans on going abroad or simply, you can’t live if not in the country of your origin, don’t even attempt to try it.

8) Being a jealous and a possessive person are two good reasons why you shouldn’t bother to start a long distance relationship. Self-explanatory I guess!

9) If you’re the type who can’t abstain sex. Go to hell, this definitely won’t work for you.

10) Lastly, if you have a kid and legally separated. Don’t make things complicated. Right? See, she agrees!