Reluctant Heart

I can still remember the 1^st time I saw you

The angels were singing, stars were shinning

And with your laughter I was yearning

That someday I can be with you laughing

 

You captured my heart and never said anything

Your silence made me think of something

Is there a way I can be your everything?

Now that we are starting with this new thing

 

The sensation is real I can sense it coming

Be valiant enough to tell me what’s bothering

It’s tough to start something if your doubting

Give me this chance and I’ll prove that I’m deserving

 

I don’t mind much about your past

Just make this relationship your last

For I’m willing to give you a blast

Just hold my hand and be my last

 

I don’t know if you’re listening

But surely deep inside I’m hoping

This love I have is everlasting

Stay with me and keep this love blazing

Editor's Note

          Leaving someone behind is one of the most excruciating thing that could ever occur to any person. That’s why at this age though I recognize that there will come a time that all of us will die still death for me is something to be terrified of. It’s a vicious cycle I know, that we have to go through that up to now I just couldn’t consent why it has to happen.

             In the past four years or so I’ve been editing wakes and funeral ceremonies. Every time I would go to shoots, I can’t help but still be affected by the mourning and lamenting of the families that are experiencing this kind of situation. I would even sob whenever I lay music and treatment to every crying and weeping during my editing. I’ve been there. I had experienced it when my father died 9 years ago. So I know exactly how they feel and I respect that. That’s why giving them the best video quality and editing skills, is my way of saying silently that yes, I understand and that everything will be okay.

             I envy my clients so much; I should and will always because their families find time to even get a videographer to cover the last moments of their departed love ones. Now I wonder, if my time comes who will shoot my funeral? Who will edit my last remaining moments on earth? Will I be getting the same treatment and care that I give my clients whenever I finish every DVD of their funeral? I just hope so! Maybe yes it could happen and yes I’m praying that it will happen. I deserve this and I want my legacy to end this way!

           

Enthralling Soda

            If I remember right, I was only 3 years old when I first tasted an invigorating soda drink. It was really icy and chilly. I could barely open my eyes when I was slurping it in because it really was cold and very sweet at the same time. Since then my love for sodas has grown out of proportion…ironically speaking.

              I would drink it almost everyday for ten straight years. Imagine the amount of sugar that it has poured into my body. No wonder I hit the 200 pounds   mark at the age of 22. What an accomplishment!

             But believe or not, there was a time when I have to stop drinking sodas because of health reasons. I was starting to get overweight and beefy that I personally decided to trim down and drop some weight. It was when I had to sacrifice my first love…my all time favorite soda. It was one year and 5 months to be exact; no soda for me at that time only the natural taste of a pure drinking water.

              Thank God! The nightmare was over because just a month ago, it was my second year of continuous patronage of my favorite soda again. Gone are the days of dieting and working out in the gym. I’m back with my vice. It’s always nice to finally come home to my baby once more, as I would always say. I just love drinking sodas!

                Hmmm…you’re probably wondering what’s with the all this storytelling about my favorite drink. Well, aside from fuelling my body with tons of sweets and possible diabetic complication in the near future, having these sodas around really had an important part in my present day living. I didn’t know that it would actually start something not really new but will be remembered for the rest of my life. A can of soda?  Well yes! It will be forever cherished that’s for sure!

Sweetest Comeback

     Two weeks of exploration and examination…not bad to finally redeem my composure and my sanity back. It was an experience of a lifetime. A moment I would attach importance to for the rest of my life.

        But I guess there’s more to what I just experienced because I think going back home is still the greatest reward after this roller coaster ride I had in the last weeks. It was indeed the sweetest comeback I ever had in this lifetime. Truly remarkable!

        It was nice to finally see you again for the first time after a long while. Your smile is as timeless and enduring.  I just can’t believe it. I was so furious when I left for this journey but now I’m as serene as the waves in the shore where I took refuge in the days I was away.

       Your eyes made me realize that the decision I made was all worth it. I was seamlessly right in assessing that staying here will make me complete knowing that you’ll still be around for me no matter what your reasons are. You don’t have to say anything, your smile and eyes tell a lot about what is in store for me in this homecoming.

          I thank God for this day and I thank you for just simply being you despite our complicated situation. Rests assure that I’ll remain the same after what has just transpired between the two of us. What a way to end to this comeback!

Ambiguity

       I don’t know exactly what is happening to me in the past few days. I feel a bit rusty and uncomfortable about things in my life. I hate this feeling. I’m not sure if I can still continue on what I have started. I‘ve been a dreamer ever since; a man full of aspiration in life…very optimistic and a positive thinker. But now, things are changing; it’s getting out of my control. Is there a way I can somehow ease my burden? The problem is I don’t even know where to start. My passion in writing is eating me whole now. I just lost it…my touch…my feeling…my life…my everything.

         All the things that I’ve always wanted to write are now slowly slipping off my hands. My thoughts are becoming vague and I can’t think straight. I’m having a hard time gathering my thoughts. My sentences are running out of words…I’m running out of breath. I’m bluntly staring in front of my laptop writing things I don’t know how to finish. I’ve been hanging…I’ve been dead for half an hour now. I can’t think, I can’t compose a single line.

         What is this all about? I’m I in the brink of losing my gift? My gift of writing that has given me my identity and my being? I hope not…because if that happens…I’d probably be finishing this piece. I don’t want to end my legacy this way. This is not the way I want it to end.

Sudden Gush

       The moment was unexplainable. Every second count…you smiled and gave me the look I’ve never seen before. My heart that I was longing to give to someone finally came into reality. It was nice of you to even notice my existence. Your eyes yet so deceiving showed me everything I wanted to know about you.

        It was an experience to be in your world. The world I’ve wanted to be a part of since the day I saw you. But why did it have to change? You made me believe, you cared. I was hoping that you’re the one who can hoard me…someone willing to seize me. All the while I thought we were in the same boat. The boat you vision when you were still young. In a blink of an eye…you disappeared in my life.

        You left the door wide open. I was hanging firm to clench everything that had happened between us. Many question left unanswered. Is this your way of telling…it’s all over? There must be an explanation. Are you afraid to be with me or just frightened to fully fall for me? I know and I can feel that you love me so dearly. It has never failed me through the years. But the question remains…why? In the middle of everything…you ran and left everything behind. The lines are open…my heart is waiting. Whatever the reason may be…I’ll still remain. Every sunrise will always be a day of waiting ‘till you riposte and explicate your side.

October Rain

The rain gently touches my face

As I try to finish this phrase

Where is the end of this maze?

Why did you break this vase?

 

Three minutes is all it take

For you to make it all fake

I thought it was for our own sake

But it didn’t flourished like this lake

 

Every time I hear you say

My path changes its way

With your every breath and sway

Touches my soul and makes me play

 

It all started with a fear

Of not being able to hear

These thoughts that has been here

For quite sometime, it’s been a year

 

We never did see it coming

Like a thief in the night who is running

To get everything that’s worth dying

Take me back coz my heart is craving

 

With all this emptiness I’m trying

To somehow, stop all these begging

I deserve to be happy that’s why I’m praying

That someday, I’ll be able to start flying

Savage Waters

     The ocean current is fierce and the water is freezing. All I can recognize is this vast body of water drowning me alive. The moment is ever frightening. I asked for your help and you ignored me for the first time. In the middle of the raging sea, the savage waters drifted us apart. The thought of surviving the wreckage suddenly vanished. Hastily I sank down with my dreams crushing before my disillusioned eyes. The warmth water that used to give me life, buried me one hundred feet below...With this, I can almost feel defeat. The ocean floor is gradually pulling me down. No one can save me except you...but you're nowhere to be found. My oxygen is running out of supply...I can barely breathe and I'm grasping for air. And for the very last time...the savage waters took back my life again.

Losing Grip

I shouldn’t be mad at you now

I shouldn’t have touched you in the first place

I shouldn’t have given myself to you at all

I shouldn’t have loved you before I even met you

But I did and I always will do it all over again

 

I was all alone in the night

I was never with anyone since you came

I was born not to even be with you

I was born to be away from you

But I won’t and will never allow it to happen again

 

Time is not on our side ever since

Time is not for us to share with

Time is always against our path

Time does not even exist for us

But I have all the time in this world for you

 

I hate every little thing about you

I hate the way you treat me in return

I hate the way you smile back at me

I just hate you for not wanting to hate me at all

But I love you with all my heart and soul

 

I wish I were with you right now

I wish I could hold you in my arms

I wish I could touch your saline lips

I wish I could be the man of your dreams

But I’m just this guy who couldn’t tell a lie

True Geisha

      It was raining real hard and the wind was blowing fierce fully. I was busy minding my business when suddenly this lovely girl popped into my mind. I immediately texted her and asked how her day was. Well, I just thought it would be an ordinary exchange of text messages but I was totally off beam. We ended up chatting and trading opinions on certain things regarding our respective lives.

          Everything seems smooth sailing when she abruptly asked me if it’s ok to rant about something. I said yes of course! She then started revealing her sentiments and disappointments on what use to be her “complicated” life. I tolerantly listened to her grievances and promised not to interrupt because if I did she might not express fully what she really felt.

           It was just a chat all right, a message accompanied by letters and punctuations, but honestly I felt it. I felt the sincerity and the honesty of trying to finally reach out for help. Finally! She was so stressed and worn out. By the tone of her message I know she’s throbbing and lost at some point in her life.

          Honestly, I was stunned upon hearing this strong willed and independent individual sharing her emotion for the very first time. She’s not the type who would confide or even open up especially if emotion is at stake; but today it was different, a new experience for me. Probably she really was in the brink of breaking down so I gave her my advice. She patiently listened and it felt good. I was able to enlighten her somehow (I just hope so!) and was able to give another soul a chance to regain her divinity.

          Important things learned for today: Go with the flow. Preserve your sanity to survive. Beer and pizza are perfect drinking buddies. Koko crunch goes well with milk and that it takes only two hours before we become hungry again. Never quit smoking for others. Blogging is a way of life so blog ‘til you drop! Mingy hates bathing. Lastly, a guy owning an underwear shop and lingerie collection is a fresh concept in the business arena.   

Real Passion

      Writing has always been my weapon...my comfort zone...my life...and my passion. I would never have imagined myself doing other things aside from writing. I don't know...it just gives me strength whenever I write. All I need is a moment with myself...in a world where no one can be able to reach me. It's my own little world where I get to express myself.

        It's hard to explain but writing through the years has given me my identity...I see it as somewhat a medium to know myself better, with writing I get to discover new things about myself. Every writing session is an experience…a challenge and a new beginning. Sometimes, my pieces speak for me. It's ever changing, never constant just like my life...a never-ending struggle to express how I feel. Every word releases my fears and anxiety that I couldn’t convey to others. With my words I can hide my thoughts. I can say different views without the fear of being discriminated. It just makes me alive when I write.

        I‘ve written many scripts, short stories, essays, documentaries, articles, journals and others but I ain’t gonna stop on doing what I love best. It’s a wild ride I can’t resist…a learning process I would want to experience for the rest of my life. This is who I am…this is what I’m destined to do…writing will always be my one and only love…my fortress…my life and my real passion.

Princesa

Sa isang sulok ako’y napatingin

Taglay mong ganda’y nakaka-paraning

Akala ko tuloy mahuhulog sa bangin

Ng minsan ako’y iyong pansinin

 

Mga mata mo’y ’di ko mawaglit

Huwag ka lang sanang magagalit

Kung ang puso ko’y umawit

Pagka’t ako’y iyo ng nakalawit

 

Tama na sa akin na ako’y iyong kausapin

Dahil bawat oras ito’y lalasapin

Handa na akong magpa-alipin

Basta’t nariyan ka para ako’y sagipin

 

Hindi ko akalain na ikaw na pala

Buti na lamang at may mga tala

Panalangin ko’y may napala

Kaya ngayon ako’y napinsala

 

Sana’y’ di na ito matapos

Ang panaginip kong kapos

Oh aking princesa ako’y iyong igapos

At tuluyan ng tangayin ng iyong agos

 

Bihira lang ang ganitong pagkakataon

Na iyong ibinigay sa pusong baon

At naghihirap na ng ilang taon

Salamat sa iyong pagmamahal na sa aki’y tinuon

Silencio

Ilang araw na tayong ‘di nag-uusap

Parami na ng parami ang kulisap

Sa aking kinalalagayan wala ng kislap

Ang mga talang bahagyang mailap

 

Tahimik pa rin ang paligid

At kung dati ako’y masugid

Ngayon nadito na lang sa gilid

Nakaupo sa maliit kong silid

 

Di ka pa ba napapagod?

Masakit na nga itong gulugod

Kailan kaya magiging malugod?

Ang samahan nating nakakapagod

 

Naubos na ang mga salita

Bago na ang mga balita

Tapos na rin ang aking kanta

Pero ganito pa rin aking sinta

 

May pag-asa pa ba?

Na ang relasyon maisalba

Pagkatao ko na’y ibinaba

Para lang ang lahat ay maiba

 

Lahat ng bagay may katapusan

Pero ayoko ng gantong puspusan

Parang wala tayong pinagsamahan

Wala na ba talagang pagmamahalan?

 

Mayroon man o wala na

Masaya ako at nagkasama

Sa maikling mundong ating inaruga

Ako talaga’y iyong  nauga

Complex Escape

          It’s been a week now and I must say I had the time of my life just enjoying every single day of this brief yet very critical escape for my disoriented psyche. I was free and flying real high without anything bothering me. I was able to do what I should have done a week ago and that was to finally let go and continue with my life.

             It took a week of reflection and forceful realization to finally come up with this very significant decision. I wanted it to happen but things aren’t going my way. I was exhausted with my work and minding you most of the time made it more complex. With this one-week break and another more week of soul searching I can somehow rebuild myself and bring my confidence back which you once tried to stole from me.

              Life is short and I want it to become shorter. I may have free my mind a bit but still I couldn’t hide what I really wanted to convey. I want peace of mind and I got it from this vacation but how will things work out after this? My mind is clear now and I’m happy about it. I wanted things to stay this way. I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t want to feel anything; I just want to be free and boundless as I continue to struggle in finding my own ecstasy.

Estranged Strangers

It’s been a while since someone made me smile

No one impressed my heart for me to run this mile

You embraced my life and held me so tight

No wonder I can’t leave you now for this flight

 

Your braces as you smile make me want to cry

For it has given me another chance to try

Another love…a new beginning in my life

Draw closer as we walk down my hopeful wife

 

Every little thing you do make me want to burn

From your eccentric laugh to your every turn

Please hear me out before you finally sit

For I’m thankful because I’m part of this beat

 

Everyday you inspire me…give me a new perspective

I could never imagine life without this kind of directive

Now I’m ready to give me heart again to you my love one

I just hope you will be my last and not that someone

Nameless Verse

Reluctant and genuinely true

Oozing with sex appeal

Xenophobic at times

Amazingly talented and gifted

Nostalgic smile

Naive persona

Eccentric laughter

Lyrical expressiveness

Innocent facial features

Willful personality

Audacious body symmetry

Nearly perfect for me

Accomplished individual

Gracefully sculpted

Pretentious Assertion

I’ve always been enthralled whenever I see contented people coming in and out of my life. It’s like a considerable event that I await because this is the only time I can somehow feel that I exist.

        It may perhaps sound outlandish but whenever someone leaves me, I know that person will be blissful. That he or she will finally be happy minus me of course. It’s how these people want me to feel whenever they decide to pack their things and run off. How pathetic but that’s how I learn to see things in the last five years of my not so blessed life.

        This is what they want me to grasp so now instead of being hurt, I choose to become insensitive or just literally ignoring what I must feel and just accept everything without investing any emotional confrontation or conflict.

       I really don’t know if I should be grateful to these people or not because honestly up to now I’m not sure if this thing is a positive episode in my life that I should really be proud of. Will I be thanking them for making me the world’s greatest pretender? If yes then you may just be one of those who once left me and was happy about it.

Broken Silence

       I was bowled over; stunned and devastated when I heard those words of goodbye straight from your soundless temperament. My world stopped for about 5 minutes or so. I was floating in the black thick air of clouds not wanting to go down because if I do, I’ll feel the pain for the first time.

        I don’t know exactly what to feel or even say that very moment. Will I be able to understand what you want to happen? Will I be able to survive this unsoundly retaliation? Fortunately I did for about a minute, I guess. I pretended and said I understood everything but the truth was I didn’t get it. Why is there a choice to be made in the first place? And worst, why do you have to sacrifice me when I didn’t do anything to make the things complicated.

        I know I don’t deserve any explanation from you. You just did what you think was right for you. It was a clever choice indeed but not the best choice you made in your life! I just hope you’ll be happy with whatever comes along in the future.  Just like what I’ve said, I respect your every decision.

Soulful Plea

It’s nice to know you’re still around

After a while I thought I lost that sound

This love I had that you never found

I’m happy to know you’ll be around

 

I know it’s hard to understand

For someone like you who can’t withstand

Someone as real as me who can stand

How I wish you can fully understand

 

This feeling is as real as your smile

I know you felt it even loved me for a while

But just can’t hold me because of that rile

That’s been holding you back to run that extra mile

 

How can I possibly win your heart and love?

When all I can give you is this lovely dove

I may have it all but without you it’s all nothing

Because your mere presence is my everything

 

If you’ll stay with me then you’ll find

Peace and serenity in your mind

This I promise, my beloved princess

Just don’t try to block my access

Luckiest Guy Alive

In a second everything in my life changed

I’m an absolute clutter now and so deranged

It’s my life you touched and re-arranged

All the while I thought I could manage this rage

After what happened I know I can’t leave this cage

 

You’re now happy with him and contented

It’s a choice you made and I’m not disappointed

That’s what I want to prove but honestly I’m frustrated

I dreamt of being with you but he came a month earlier

You’ve already fallen before I can give you this Terrier

 

It’s the timing that made the situation complicated

I was so focused with you and very much dedicated

But it was him who got your full attention

I can’t blame you I just want to mention my frustration

He is the luckiest guy alive that I can’t put in contention

 

Life must go on for me but how?

I’ve given you my love and offered you this vow

If only I could turn back time…I will

But it’s too late; you’ve already stopped the wheel

All I can do for now is to put this experience on my reel

Moonlight Confession

        Pardon me for being vocal tonight. I’ve wanted to say this but I haven’t got the chance. The nights are killing me as I continue to love you everyday. I know it’s not right to hold you back but what can I do? Thoughts of you continue to haunt me. I tried to let go and start a new beginning without you in my mind but I just can’t and I just won’t.

         It’s a strange feeling but it’s happening to me. I don’t even know you that well. I hardly got the chance to be with you alone. You’re just one of those ordinary girls that walked into my life. I’m wondering now why he allowed us to meet in the first place when we can never be together. Is there a reason behind all this? Is this a beginning of something new for both of us? Help me comprehend because now I’m lost with you in this one-way street that fate has brought us into.

          How could I possibly fall that fast? Its effortless and I didn’t even lift a single finger to fall fully this way. My back is against the wall now. I have nowhere else to go but with you. God I swear I missed you so much. I long to wrap my frail arms around you. I crave to kiss you and be with you every step of the way. But how can I do it when I’m not with you. It’s breaching my heart to actually see you with someone else who don’t deserve you. I’m what you need. I’m all you have to fulfill your dreams.

           Fate has brought me close to you can’t you see. I didn’t want this to happen. I was in my little world; happy and contented then you happened. You came and turned my small world upside down without me noticing it. The moment was real and genuine. I saw it coming but I didn’t do anything to stop it from developing into something special. With just your eyes and that killer smile, I must admit are enough to finally take my heart away.

           I don’t know what to do now. I’m missing you more each and every single day. I can’t blame you for not falling for me. I have nothing to be proud of. I’m just a man who wants to be happy with you. It’s hard to admit but that’s the truth. God this is killing me slowly now. Tears are falling down my cheeks as I try to finish this composition that I want you to cherish for the rest of your life. It’s one proof that once in your life, a man as honest and true has come to love you and offer his life to you without asking anything in return. I missed you so much…

Reality Bites

     Tired of your everyday routine or your career perhaps? Well, you’re not alone. These are just some of the sentiments that most of us would want to think and probably feel when we’re all worked up and stressed out in our work. This may be true but believe me; it’s all in your mind. Don’t let your right brain fool you and over ride your whole system. This problem can very well be solved if only we try to overcome it the soonest possible time.

        There are many ways in wanting to conquer this feeling of uncertainty towards your work concerns. All you have to do is believe that there is a way to weaved out of this mess. Why not try to relax and enjoy your work again before grouching and complaining that you’re all worn-out. You can find new ways to improve the quality of your work.  Aim high and try to set new goals for yourself to be challenged once again. In that way you can eliminate the feeling of not achieving anything in your career.

       Going out with friends every now and then can also help. Set a day for you and your companions every week to get together and have fun even for one night. This can loosen up your body and your mind as well. A couple of drinks plus a good conversation are all you need to break a leg after a week of hard work in the office.

        Being alone is also an option to take when stressed out in your work. Go to the mall or explore the unknown outdoor all by yourself. Don’t think…just move freely in the air as you go through your favorite section of the department store. Make believe that this is not an activity that would be stressful; it’s something you have to do because you want it to be that way.

       And if in any case the above-mentioned suggestions still won’t work for you then probably you’ll need me now in your life. Accept it…no question about it, I can be your saving grace. I’m all you need to stand up again and regain your composure and confidence back. I may not have exactly what you want, but certainly I have what you only need. So better shape up today or end up with me for the rest of your life.  

 

 

 

The Eagle Has Landed

I’ve been blogging in the last three years of my not so good past but I haven’t got the chance to pose a single blog in this site. Actually I just opened this account last April 30 when I accidentally peeped into one of my friend’s blog here. It’s not that I’m not aware of this site at all. It’s just that I’m so preoccupied writing my blog from other sites that I haven’t got the opportunity to share my thoughts and sentiments here. Anyway to cut the long story short, I’m happy to have actually posed some of my blogs in the last two days. Well, from now on you’ll be expecting more from me because the eagle has already landed!

Lonely Planet

I’ve been alone eternally in my lonely planet
The sun hasn’t luster in the last few months
The streaming water is running dry forcefully
I couldn’t sense the vigorous wind either
Tell me now coz’ I’m running out of breath
How I could ever endure this planet I just created for myself?

I can’t laugh even grin with this kind of atmosphere
The land that I’m in now is rapidly pulling me down
The ocean has lost its massive strength for a while
The flowers are not blossoming like before
And all I see is this lifeless moon that cuddles me through the night
Because since you left, this planet has lost its brilliance

I’ve been half dead for some time, that’s what I want to deem in
Where is the rainfall that used to splatter me with ecstasy?
The mountain ranges that allowed me to explore my beauty
The golden sand that used to welcome and harbor me through the years
Relieve me out I’m pleading before I finally loose my judgment
I don’t want this planet to die right before my weary eyes

I yearn for to save this sanctuary but I can’t do it alone
I need someone to lend me hand to refurbish its exquisiteness
But your light years away, far away from this place I want to rebuild for us
Will this be the end? Tell me now and bring my sanity back
Because the stars are falling down…time is running out
If you really love me, then hurry up before my lonely planet pass away

Gentle Caution

I dare you to come and bewildered
With my touch you’ll end up being shattered
Now I know without talking you’re flattered
Hold your ground before your life becomes cluttered

It just takes awhile for me to settle
Before I finally start any given battle
So if you’re brittle and a little subtle
Try not to fall prey for me and be gentle

Look into my eyes but don’t stare
I’m warning you so not to lose your flair
Because it’s important for me to be fair
With this gesture, I know you’d say I’m rare

When I talk try not to listen
With my sugary words you better fasten
Keep your thoughts clear so not to be mistaken
Because in the end you can be forsaken

With these ideas I’m leaving
Hurry up I’m late with my diving
So think again and look straight at your ceiling
Remember all these things before finally falling

Unfinished Business

She’s been alone in this large field of rye watching these little kids play. I noticed her smile as she bluntly stares at these happy souls jumping and running around the field. Then I realized that something is not right. She seemed happy but her shimmering almond shaped eye told me another tale. There is just something about her that I would want to discover and understand.

It took a while before I finally approached her and asked what’s bothering her. She smiled back instead and left me without uttering a single word. I wanted to follow her but I don’t know her name. And from a distant I watched over her as she slowly walked along the field savoring every opportunity to be with the kids whom she cherished the most.

Since then, I never saw her again. Out in the field she disappeared in an instant. I wanted to know her. I wanted to be with her but time was not on our side that’s what I wanted to believe in. So every time I see little kids play, I can’t help but remember this lovely lady who once entered my life but was not really there after all.