Long Drought

        Finally after months of hibernating, I now have the courage to write again. It’s been a long while since I last put an entry on this blog. Nothing has really changed. I’m still the same old sentimental freak emotional writer who always wanted to be heard.  Times were hard in the last few months, what do you expect. Okay for a while I thought I’ve seen the light but no, it’s just a temporary breathing ground for survival.

        How will I put this? Life continues to be a burden and as always will forever be the same. I just don’t know if in time I can somehow free my mind of the same old sentiments that keeps on haunting me. For a while I thought I found her but it’s just a reality I know I can’t handle. She’s nice but she’s not it. She’s not the one who can complete me. I have no regrets of loving her but as they say reality bites. Same old issues, my time, my personality, her personality. It just won’t fit.

        Now, I’m here again escaping the vicious reality of finding the real one person who can make me feel I’m real as I am. I have no intentions of hurting her but its better to leave things this way not to aggravate and hurt more in the future. I still would want to settle that’s one thing for sure but the question remains, with whom? I know you’re just around the corner. Take your time; my door is always open for you. I don’t know when but for sure this very important time will come to finally free me from all these despair and misery. I deserve to be happy that’s why I keep on believing and breathing!

Time Capsule

Have you seen the skies lately?

Reminds me of good memories

The happy moments that we had

How sad, now we’re both mad

 

It was just yesterday when I lost sight

We shared our dreams and walked into the light

Then you disappeared in the night

All the while I thought everything was right

 

It’s life changing and it burdens me

I was left standing in the middle

Not knowing how to answer this riddle

It was never meant to end in a fiddle

 

Now, I don’t have the time to explain

I’m soaked up and in pain

I’m not sure if I’m still sane

Accompany me as I walk out of this rain  

 

How will we ever know?

Can happiness find its way back?

In time, hopefully when the right time comes

When we’re old enough to fall in love again

Final Cut

         I never thought that life could be this brutal and devastating.  As I went home the pouring rain reminded that somehow things will eventually subside and clear for the better.

         I was half awake, half dead fighting the emotions that has been there for a while. The sudden gust of wind that used to carry me to the right direction suddenly became my worst nightmare. I was stuck in the middle of the road not wanting to go home for I know eventually reality will once again set in giving me no option but to confer to this hatred and fear I’m feeling inside. I was knocked out hearing that the final road to happiness has finally ended.

       I should be happy, I really should, but I’m here blogging every sentiment that’s left of me. I’m free but the pain is there. I could feel it inching in to my system and confronting my conscience. What’s next for me? What can I expect? Will tomorrow be a brighter one for me? The pain is real. The joy is there to explore and to feel. I deserved to be happy but not to the expense of others. I’m running out of time, running out of emotions to share, I’m on the edge of losing everything. Is it all worth it? Is this the right thing to do? Clear my mind as I go through this final cut…

Few Good Men

       They say it’s impossible to find good men nowadays. I beg to disagree and I’m proud that there are still a few like us who knows exactly what the word means. I’m not being arrogant or something but really I am one. I’ve been a responsible, loving and a good man all my life with the exception of some neurotic episodes that once in awhile happen along the way. Ok to help you find us, here are some signs that the man you are with right now is one of the endangered few good men of the society!

1) Selfless. He thinks more of the welfare of others than himself.

2) He never asks anything in return.

3) Offers help and provide solutions to a given problem.

4) Understands the need to be needed.

5) Cries and is open about his inner feelings.

6) Finishes any task on time with flying colors.

7) Respects privacy.

8) Listens to every word you say with compassion.

9) He is very patient.

10) Fair in everything he does. 

Susan's Got Talent

       We all live in a cynical world where everyone seems to have his or her way on judging people based on their appearances and looks. To hell with everybody else, because Susan Boyle, a 47-year old spinster proved them all wrong.

       The British audience in Britain’s You’ve Got Talent was completely stunned when an old, credulous lady tried to make a name for herself in the number talent show in Britain. As Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan were interviewing the funny looking Susan, the unruly audience laughed at her thinking that she was just one of those dorks wanting to get attention on the said show. Everybody was screaming and making faces as Susan answered every question that the 3 judges were throwing at her. Its like judging by the way she looks…she definitely can’t sing. Ok the stage was set. Susan before actually showing off her talent was already judged, laughed at and was humiliated. Then come the time to prove Susan’s worth. Inspired by singer Ailyn Page, Susan sang I Dream A Dream. The old woman who was crushed by the audience’s discriminating reactions stunned them with her angelic and enchanting voice singing every note with brilliance. Susan sang the song with class, elegance and charm leaving everybody shocked. Even the 3 judges can’t believe what they were hearing.  The boastful and arrogant audience suddenly turned into legion of fans wanting to hear more from Susan. They gave her a standing ovation and the respect she truly deserves. What a world-class performance! Today, Susan Boyle’s superb performance is continuously gathering views from around the world having 30 million views in just two weeks. Truly an inspiring story to share about.

        Judging a person whether by color, age, looks, shape, and size simply is an important lesson learned here. It’s not how you look that matters…rather its how you carry yourself and bring out the best in you. The story of Susan Boyle moved me. It’s a constant reminder that we still live in the real world and even though our lives revolved around the glamour and beauty of Hollywood, what matters most is still…being human. This is definitely a wake up call as Amanda Holden said after hearing the powerful performance of Susan. Slap your face, wake up and be moved by British newest sensation Susan Boyle.

 

Frequent Visitors

         My life has been an open book, that’s the way I want it to be. I want to be transparent to the world, sharing what I feel and trying to let people understand why I’m feeling this way. It’s not about wanting to get a reaction; it’s more of letting it all out so I can live the next day.

           I must admit that life hasn’t been good to me. I’ve been living in a shell full of hatred and everybody knows that, well to those who have been reading my blogs. I’ve been honest and true to whatever I feel. Ok I’ll get to the point; I’ve been wanting to be happy. I wanted to live life to the fullest but every time I tried, I almost always fail. I want to meet someone worthy of my love, but again, I always fail. I always end up meeting people whose purpose is just to prolong the agony of wanting be finally happy. I had it all. I’ve seen these frequent visitors coming in and out of my life. For almost 2 years now I’ve been given the chance to meet many girls but they all end up like the rest who just knock in and never enter the door. They are all beautiful with great personalities. They make me happy, I made them happy as well but time just won’t be right. There are many factors why these relationships won’t actually work.  Honestly, I really don’t know if I can be happy again. Given all these opportunities, I really can’t ask for more. Well, maybe in time, someone could actually stay for good and never leave that door again. I’m just hoping…I’m really hoping.

         I believe in the saying that somewhere out there, there’s this one person truly for you and that you just have to be patient because surely that person will find his/ her way just to reach you. Ok, I want to be true. I want life to be as real as it can be. I just hope that the next visitor who will knock at my door would be the last and would stay here in my arms for good. It’s a wish, a dream that I know will someday come true. Hope floats…

David Vs Goliath

       How will I start this one? Hmmm…ok I have nothing against him its just he’s the lucky guy. Honestly speaking, there’s no way I can be the man as he is to her now. Confused? What am I talking about? Well, see for yourself as I give you the 10 things why in this particular instance, Goliath is victorious over the little David!

1) He definitely is taller than I am.

2) His body is a lot better than mine that is for sure.

3) He maybe is sweeter than me.

4) She met him first.

5) They been a lot together compared to hours of conversation.

6) Looks? He’s better looking than me.

7) He knows exactly what makes her happy.

8) He’s willing and able I guess.

9) He changed her life completely.

10) Most importantly, she loves him.

Artificial Euphoria

        I was browsing at my emails and my accounts in the net when all of a sudden I saw this very lovely smile. I know I’ve seen this smile before but I just couldn’t remember where and when. Anyway, it was euphoric; I really don’t know what to think that very moment. It’s as if I knew her all the while and all I need is that smile to confirm the attachment that has been pulling me closer to her.

         Ok, I composed myself and after awhile I was already adding her to my account. Honestly, I’m not sure whether she will accept my friend request or not since she doesn’t know me at all.  Ok I let time pass by, after 30 minutes I was amazed that she actually added me up plus a message along with the confirmation. Huh! I was really happy that time. It was like heaven, imagine she just added me and it was like I won in a lottery. I was really anxious and started to answer her queries. She was asking me how did I find her. I replied and after that as what they always say, the rest is history. We exchanged views, opinions and a little or should I say a portion of our personal lives. It was a series of replies that almost lasted for hours. Ok seems everything is going in the right direction. She was really very accommodating and friendly, so divine! I thought it would never end. I just did and it ended, the happiness just dipped down when she said she would be marrying soon. What the fuck!!! My world turned 360 degrees in 3 seconds making it a real hard knock out on my part. I was stuck for a moment, had my cigarette and snapped again after realizing what I’ve just read. Huh! I almost forgot that I just meet her now and it’s no big deal! Ok, actually I’m glad she’s honest and proud that she will be marrying soon, that is something. I mean a girl being proud not only of her soon to be wedding but subconsciously of her man as well. That is really something for me, a perfect lady proud of her man! Surely that would be the lady I would want to walk down in the altar.

          I was in cloud nine, now reality is slowly inching back in. Welcome to the planet, welcome to reality and let go of dreamland. This is the real world and it’s about time to wake up and face reality! I should be happy after all, I met her, I was able to converse with her and even felt ecstasy for a couple of hours again. Hmmmm…priceless! It’s what you call…artificial euphoria! 

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In the grand scheme of things...

Chances are, anything is possible!

Hosted By: Paolo Abrera

Sunday 8:15 p.m. 

Assholic Sacrifice

        When Holy week comes I can’t help but think of the things that I have done in my life may it be good or bad. Hmmm…maybe because this is only the time when I can reflect on my solitude since everybody is doing it anyway. What a lame excuse!?! But seriously, though I’m a self-confessed asshole, I still find time to make sacrifices. Yes, you heard me right, sacrifices!

         I’m not the type who will do Visita Iglesia, crucify myself in Pampanga or whip myself under the heat of the sun. In my own little ways, I do my thing like maybe quitting smoking for a few days or perhaps not drinking for a week. Actually, it’s not really how big or how little is your sacrifice. For me, as long as it’s real and coming from your heart then there will be no question. Another sacrifice probably would be participating in processions and other church activities, which during holy week are very evident. Find time to be one with the rest of the community that could be one! It may be as simple as that but still, its not part of your usual routine or things that you normally do. Holy week comes once every year so why not make the best of what you can do to make it meaningful and worthwhile.

          We live in a fast paced-world, a cynical one, a place where technologies rule but we should not forget that Jesus Christ sacrificed himself to save us and that this is the right time to remember all the things he has done for us. I’m not being evangelic or something, I’m a sinner no doubt about it but I know when to stop and give respect to when needed. Huh! That was tough! Anyway, may you have a peaceful holy week and a meaningful one!          

Unfamiliar Queries

      If I were not a writer slash editor slash producer what would I be now? If I didn’t conquer my fear before would I be as lonely as I am now? So many questions so little time to answer them accurately. But seriously, I guess going back to these unfamiliar queries somehow helps us face the present and what tomorrow has in store for us.

      Actually, I’m not being regretful or anything, I just want to find answers to these what if questions that once upon a time affected my decisions and perceptions in life. Ok, if I were not a writer, I’d probably be a haciendero. Yah you heard me right, a haciendero. I would probably be living in an isolated barrio somewhere in the south managing my own hacienda. You see I love nature so much; a laidback living in that case would fit me perfectly. I would just be hanging around in this sanctuary, breathing fresh air as I await the night and the next morning of my life. Of course this would be spent with my family. Hmmm…tasting fresh fruits everyday, swimming the freshest waters and simply enjoying life as it unfolds That’s what you call living. Hay, I just wish these were all true.

      Next, if I didn’t conquer my fear before would I be as lonely as I am now? The answer is hell no! Definitely, I would be happy at present if I did so. I must admit, life has never been fair to me. I’ve been to many battles, some of them I won and some I lost but still I’m standing firm on the ground ready for the next big war in my life. Ok, I was overwhelmed before. I fought the battle fair. As a true soldier I conquered my fear and fought for what I believed in. I sacrificed my personal happiness for a new life, which during that time was the right thing to do. I was so focused and determined to get the responsibility that was given to me without any hesitation…and of course because of love. Now, though I have no regret, still it made me think, what if I didn’t fight for that love? What if I cowardly faced that problem then? For sure I’ll be happy now…that’s for sure! But then again, it’s past already. The decision has been made and all I can do which is now I’m doing is just to look back and write it down for the next generations to read and learn from. Huh, feels so good, somehow!

           If only…two simple words yet so very powerful. Huh! Give me a break! I guess all that matter now is to simply remember all those what if’s, forgive oneself and move on. Sounds simple but very difficult to do. Others can do it, but there are some who just can’t. So to survive, let it out and express it but in a nice way. Keep the questions coming as I find answer to mine before I finally end this composition. You? Do u have your own what if’s in life?

Poisonous Love

I was walking alone

Finding where I belong

Then you came along

Everything went wrong except this song

My life suddenly came alive

It was you I was waiting to arrive

I thought I could not contrive

But you believed and I was able to survive

The touch of your hand

Took me to another land

Where castles set on the sand

And birds fly high without a strand

You held me so tight

Though it wasn’t right

 Even offered this thread of light

That brought me back my sight

What more can I ask for?

You gave it all and opened the door

To all the things that helped me soar

Now I want to thank you more

With this I want you to know

Our love was never meant to grow

Let’s just go with the flow

And leave everything before it blows

Beyond Being A Man

   As a man it is important for us to preserve our masculinity and pride. We always have to be strong and able every time so not to lose our glare and manliness. We can’t be vulnerable, we can’t even cry! This is what society wants us to be. Alright, we could follow these standards but I choose not. I want to break boundaries and say what I want to say regardless of what others would think. Here are the things that I would not normally say in public or in front of my loved ones, family and friends!

1) “I feel like pouring my sentiments…I just want to let it all out and cry.”

2) “I’m jealous can’t you see.”

3) “There are things I can’t do. I know myself and my limitations.”

4) “Hold me closer, I’m scared of what tomorrow will bring.”

5) “I also have emotions I need to guard and take care of.”

6) “I’m tired of absorbing everything you say, can you be sensitive enough to absorb mine?”

7) “I’m running out of thoughts and ideas.”

8) “I can never be the man you want me to be.”

9) “I can’t live without you.”

10) “I’m a big loser… yes I am.”

Now I'm Talking

      I’ve been watching the stars in the night for almost everyday of my life. I am hoping that someday the questions that I’ve been looking for would somehow be answered. It was not long ago when everything seems perfect in my life. I have everything that anyone can aspire for. Believe me when I say that it was seemingly a perfect life; but as the saying goes not all good things last.

         I never thought that I would be as unfortunate as I am now. I barely could feel what it’s like to be happy. My world stopped all of a sudden. The changes that I never imagined started to happen in my life. I lost myself, my family and the one thing that makes me alive and happy… and that is love. I could not believe everything that I see now. It was fast; the changes have eaten me whole. I could not handle it because I never thought that I would be in this situation. God knows how I live my life the way she wants me to live it. I gave it all, my heart and soul but I lost the battle. I didn’t reserve anything for myself. Now I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere wanting and grasping every air that comes my way just to survive another day. I wanted to be fair, I wanted to understand why things have to happen but as the day passes I’m starting to realize that there’s no one to be blamed but myself. This would never happen if I didn’t allow it to happen. But what can I do, I just did what my heart wants me to do. I let my heart decide and the rest was fucking history.  

        So what is the point in all these? Actually I really don’t know. All I know is I want to talk from within. I want people to understand what I’m going through right now. It’s ironic though that I’m still here busy entertaining my emotion when I should be doing something to move out of this black hole. I may not know how, but I will try to finally free myself from this agony.

        This is not meant to be read, it’s meant to be understood so not to judge me on how I stated my emotion and thoughts on this piece. I may sound sensitive…I really don’t mind. All I want is to let everything out before it explode and becomes out of control. Now, I’m really talking!

Genuine Devotion

I’ve been waiting for so long

Wishing for that special song

Then suddenly I saw your face

So sad just like this empty space

Now everything is in proper place

 

I never thought this could happen

Something I thought I would be saddened

Now you’re here all of a sudden

Thank your for easing this burden

Relax as we explore together this garden

 

Set aside your fears

Listen carefully and lend me your ears

This time you won’t shed any tears

I’ll keep you company

And keep everything in harmony

 

Tell me everything

I’ll be here listening

To your every call I’ll be running

Oh darling you look stunning

Can we now start a new beginning?

 

I’ll promise from now on

My love will flourish and lead you on

Hold on tight and enjoy the ride

For I’m ready to swallow my pride

Just tell me if you can be my bride

 

Quit Smoking

        It was 2^nd year college when I started smoking, 9 years ago to be exact. Yah, I know its bad for my health but I just keep on coming back. I tried to quit 2 years ago but it just won’t happen. It’s in my system and I’d probably die smoking. No regrets at least I can say I live my life the way I want it to be, no pretentions and all. So here’s a rundown on why I just can’t quit this addictive habit.

1) It relaxes me whenever I’m in deep shit. I can think clear after puffing a cigarette and it feels better.

2) I can’t drink without smoking.

3) It helps me a lot when writing. It boosts my imaginative side, which is very vital in my line of work.

4) If I’ll stop smoking now, I’d probably stay awake for the rest of my life. I just couldn’t sleep without smoking one cigarette.

5) It’s my alternative for food especially now that I’m on a strict diet.

6) I’m the impatient type; smoking relieves my tensions and anxieties.

7) It gives me a sense of security especially when I’m all-alone and thinking of the things I could have done to make everything work in my life.

8) It dictates my mood for the day.

9) Smoking keeps me sane and rational.

10) I want life to be shorter that’s why I can’t stop smoking.

Farewell Eraserheads

         It was a night to remember, another historic event that will forever be etched in the hearts of the fans of the most influential band in the county, The Eraserheads. Indeed, nobody can replace them, the band that brought Filipino music to the next level and revolutionized the music industry with their distinctive style of music. Truly, another world-class performance from The Eraserheads!

         The Mall of Asia concert ground was filled with an estimated 100,000 screaming fans and devotees wanting to be part of history for the last time.  Ely Buendia, Marcus Adoro, Raymund Marasigan and Buddy Zabala all graced what was reported to be the last and final set before the band finally breaks up. The concert opened with a 30 minuter presentation of the history of the band, how they came about and the struggles they had to face to reach immortality. Then came, the opening…though it was not as fabulous as I expected it to be still it was a great start. The four “gods” of the music industry stood tall and embraced immortality once again as they sang their timeless songs that almost destroyed the four corners of the MOA concert ground. Their 1^st song “Magasin” made the crowd scream for more. Ely was looking healthy and perfect. Raymund was hitting the drums as if there’s no tomorrow. Marcus set the house on fire with his guitar artistry, as Buddy impressed the crowd with his bass expertise and prowess. Again it was surreal, seeing these four individuals in one stage. I was again overwhelmed. They gave one hell of a show singing their all-time favorites, “Minsan”, Poorman’s Grave”, “Waiting For A Bus”, “Maskara” “Trip To Jerusalem” “Alkohol”, “Overdrive”, “Super Proxy” and more.

          But the night wasn’t just for the Eheads fans. The show was also dedicated to the late Francis Magalona as he was expected to perform during the concert. The band gave their own rendition of “Kaleidoscope World” which the master rapper made famous during the 90’s. Everybody became emotional as the band finally bid their farewell to Francis M.

           After the heart-warming goodbye to Francis, it was time to say goodbye for the band. The last song, “Huling El Bimbo” ended the decade long dominance of the Eraserheads. They sang their heart out for the last time…gathered in the center of the stage and for the first time after 6 years, Eli, Marcus, Raymund and Buddy hugged each other thanking their fans for their support and love for the band. Finally, the lights went off, the exits were filled and the Eraserheads finally signed off as a band.

          I just couldn’t believe it. It’s over! The Eraserheads is now history. This maybe their last performance but their legacy will remain forever in my heart. I’m proud to be fan and will continue to live my life the Eraserheads way. Goodbye for now…I’ll wait for the day when this monumental band will once again rise from the grave and lead their fans to greatness and immortality! Again thank you for the music and thank you for the memories.

Do Not Disturb

          I just love my work…a writer slash video editor slash photographer and an artist.  There’s no other place I can be comfortable in than being in the four corners of my workplace. Being there is truly an experience I would never trade with anything else in this world. I have my editing machine, I have my macbook, I have my soda, a sound system and a cool aircon to pamper myself while working. Oh of course I can never live without an Internet connection and a cellphone. What more can you ask for? Nothing!

            In this red and white-checkered room I can be myself. I can freely express my thoughts and my sentiments. With just a click of a button, a little imagination and my favorite soda on the side, I can transcend into another world through writing as my medium. In this room I’ve finished 15 legitimate movie scripts, a hundred or more television scripts, 80 plus poems, 50 songs and more than a thousand thoughts and compositions only I can understand. Though it’s meant to be read, I would still want to keep it ‘till the day I can already let go of them. I don’t think this is the right time to share everything. Of course I shared some of it, in my blogs, but the more interesting and complicated ones are yet to be seen and unfolded.

          Ok, writing is one way I can let go of my anxieties but there’s another thing that this room is capable of doing. It also serves as my outlet for my artistic endeavor, video editing! This is where I edit my projects, may it be wedding, avp’s, birthdays, thesis, short films, or documentaries, name it and this place can give the best output. Thank God I have this editing machine which I bought many years ago and has been constantly updated every year. Oh well, by editing videos I can relax my senses. When I’m all stressed out in my work as an Executive Producer, I usually run in this place for refuge. Though its still work here, it’s kinda different world, a place I can call my own, a sanctuary where I can reload, stand up and face tomorrow with a new aura and disposition.

           Being in this tiny, little big world is something I can be proud of. With this haven around I can do just about anything. I just hope that someday, the one person whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with can appreciate this world I call my own. Finding her and being with her in this world would finally make this place complete and truly a world worth living. 

Black Hole

As I walk down the city

The pavements start to lose its beauty

Coz every little step increases the pain

How can I possibly stop the rain?

When all I can see is a train

 

The walls we built

Keeps on adding to our guilt

How can we possibly restore?

The foundation we had before

Tell me more, to complete this metaphor

 

The stars in the night

That use to be our guiding light

Is now starting to fade

Can you give me this aide?

That I’ve been wanting to be made

 

Bring me back to reality

Where I can regain my stability

For I don’t know exactly how

To continue with this vow

That is killing me now

Payback Time

       Truth always hurts; whether it was said in an amiable or ill-mannered way still it would somehow hurt you in whichever way it was delivered. That’s why sometimes things are better off unsaid. But then again, suppressing one’s real intention, thought or feeling is not always a good choice. So if you feel like saying what you want to say whether it’s good or bad, join me and shout it loud. These are the things we almost want to say in front of people we hate but we just can’t.

1) Boss: “You suck big time, who do you think you are? God?”

2) Girlfriend: “Stick to one man and stop bitching around.”

3) Parents: “I’m all grown up, leave me alone and let me live my life.”

4) Bestfriend: “Damn it, that’s my girlfriend you’ve been hitting on.”

5) Co-employee: “You’re face is synonymous to our bosses’ ass.”

6) Wife: “Mother fu**er stop faking it for Christ’s sake.” (Orgasm)

7) Girlfriend’s Girl Friend: “Oh my God, stop flirting…you want it? Go get it.”

8) Gossiper: “ Mind your own business losers! I’m ready for my next promotion”

9) Detractors: “Why don’t you go to the comfort room, open the bowl, stick your stinking face and flush your own.”

10) Ex-Girlfriend / Boyfriend: “Asshole, now look what you’ve been missing.” 

Life's Greatest Surprises

       I never thought that I would be contented with who I am now and what I have achieved in the last 29 years of my existence. I must admit there is always this diverse individual who is always better, who is more successful and who is always good looking. How pathetic that there is someone smarter than you, taller, more gifted and who has a better life.
 
      Thank God, I always wake up buoyant and ready to face each and every struggling day of my life. Because, now I realized that it’s healthier to appreciate things that you have than to look for something you will never have. Being contented and satisfied are the keys to finally be happy.

      Tomorrow will always bring a brighter day… a new day to explore boundless opportunity. So why waste every single day of your life crying over spilled milk. Waking up happy everyday that for me…has been one of life's greatest surprises.

Bitter Sweet Goodbye

Memories of you linger

As I remove this ring on my finger

I never imagined this would end in anger

The years I thought would be longer

 

We had it all

We were standing tall

Gave everything and then you fall

Can you blame me if I don’t answer you call?

 

We vowed to endure everything together

Now we don’t even want to see each other

How can I be a good father?

When I’m far away holding another

 

I was hoping we could somehow fix

The love until everything mix

You run away and left me by six

Now I’m alone in the middle of these bricks

 

We may lose our way and weep

But this love we had I’ll always keep

Though this pain is really deep

I’ll continue to breathe to finish this trip 

Why I'm In Love With You

       I’ve known her for only a month now. She’s beautiful, charming and smart. But, there’s a but…we don’t actually connect. I mean literally we don’t.  We hardly communicate, yah right texting is one medium but I want it to be more personal. Unfortunately, I guess this is not the right time for this feeling to blossom. But then again I still find myself falling for this special girl. Here are the reasons I must admit, why I’m madly in love with this angel sent from above!

1) She’s independent and can very well speak her mind. In other words she’s smart and intellectual. Those traits really turn me on.

2) That mole in her right cheek is killing me. It’s so sexy and completes her perfect facial features. Impressive!

3) She’s adventurous. She likes water a lot, the element I always look for in a girl. Finally I found someone I can share my love for water.

4) She loves fast foods. Honestly, most women opt for fine dining but she’s different. Hmm…Good burgers, love to share it with her.

5) She’s a go-getter. I think it shows from what she has achieved in life. I would never want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has not established what she wants in her life.

6) She’s sweet in her only little ways. That’s good, not giving it all out. Saving the best for last always.

7) She’s very appreciative…one trait that keeps me coming back for more.

8) She loves poems and arts, perfect combination I guess.

9) She’s an Aquarian, probably the best sign for a Libran like me!

10) She’s a total package; someone who is established in life, she has this perfect smile, she knows exactly what she wants in life, she’s adorable, beautiful and I can sense that she really is the one for me. Intuition I guess. I just hope she’s the one.

 

 

Cry Baby No More

      Sometimes we feel miserable because of the unpleasant things that are happening in our lives. We often isolate ourselves thinking that we’re different and that everybody seems to be happy except ourselves. Well, this is true I guess. I always find myself in this situation. I would scream and even question the heavens for problems that have been coming to me. I almost always ask, why me? There are hundred billions of people in world, am I the chosen one?

      For years that has been my dilemma, not actually facing my problems but rather complaining first instead of finding ways to solve them. I would cry like a baby and let things happen without me doing anything. But I guess fate has its own way of changing everything. As I continue my journey in finding my true happiness, I encountered many more important lessons in life that has helped me and in a way improved my perspective about what life is really all about. From my journey, I noticed that I was not alone. I’m not the only one who has a problem. My problem is just small for me to complain about. I’ve seen bigger problems from other people but they are not complaining. They are still standing though struggling but still battling every second to overcome their problems. Actually compared to them I must say I’m luckier. My problems that I have been complaining are not even half or close to what they are encountering now. Boom, there I realized that I’m still lucky and that I have to be thankful for whatever that comes my way. I’ve been an asshole and yes I will still be one but I’ve learned my lessons.  I will not change everything but would be more mature in dealing with my problems. Thank God, I’m still breathing, one thing I could be thankful about.

      Problems will come and arise, we can’t control them but we can overcome them for sure. Dealing it the right way I guess is the best way to win it over. Though hard but at the end of it, is a life fulfilling accomplishment that you were able to face your problem and overcome it. Huh, again, thank God I’m still alive.

We All Live In Capital A

Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and post it. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real, nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name: Arvin

2. A four letter word: Ants

3. A boy's name: André

4. A girl's name: Agatha

5. An occupation: Archeologist

6. A colour: Apricot

7. Something you wear: Air Jordan Shoes

8. A food: Asparagus

9. Something found in the bathroom: Albatross

10. A place: Argentina

11. A reason for being late: Alcoholic

12. Something you shout: Asshole!

13. A movie title: Armageddon

14. Something you drink: Absolut Vodka

15. A musical group: After Image

16. An animal: Alligator

17. A street name: Avenida

18. A type of car: Audi

19. Title of a song: Again

25 Things About Me

1. I am a Libran, which explains my not so positive perceptions in life - I can be sickeningly sweet one moment, then disgustingly rotten the next.

2. I am blessed with great friends who can put up with my neurotic episodes (the nicer ones even pretend not to notice them).

3. It is tough to see me as the shy type of person since you will often find me sitting quietly in my favorite corner, distantly sniping.

4. I have been known for my tele-marathons. I can talk on the phone for ten straight hours. Just name the topic: I can go from Mighty Man & Yak to economic inflation to the principles of communism to government policies to Katrina Halili and more.

5. I am proud to say that I am a reformed coffee junkie, Tequila addict, World Wrestling Entertainment fanatic and Cristine Reyes stalker.

6. I seriously consider invading the wrestling world. (WWE)

7. I know the lyrics of the songs Is it Ok if I Call You Mine and With A Smile by heart .

8. I always keep a small notebook in my bag.

9. The biggest cash prize I won was for the script I made in 2001. It got me to places! Hehehe!

10. I love to smoke! Marlboro Reds is my brand, an average of one pack a day!

11. I believe that all things happen for a reason.

12. I'm a big fan of "The Tank" Noli Locsin.

13. I'm a true blue, 100% Whoop asser!

14. I have a small production house in Pasig where I usually go to unwind and relax because there I get to edit weddings and other happy events.

15. Writing has been my passion, my life and my world in the last 20 years of my not so blessed life.

16. I love perfumes so much. I have a perfume collection in my blue and black inspired room. Name it, I've got it from all kinds of Calvin Klein, Polo Sport, Lacoste, Benetton, Tommy Hilfiger, Kenneth Cole, Cool Water, Fahrenheit, Dolce and Gabbana, Hugo Boss, Versace, Giordio Armani, Gucci, Roberto Cavalli, Christian Dior and counting.

17. I watch an average of 10 films a week. It so makes me feel alive and rejuvenated. Here are some of my favorites...The Lake House, The Notebook, Music and Lyrics, Just Like Heaven, Philadelphia, Untamed Hearts, Walk In A Cloud, Sleepless In Seattle, Sabrina, City Of Angels, An Affair to Remember, Someone Like You, Wuthering Heights and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

18. I love the company of girls because I grew up in an environment where I see them almost everyday. eat, play and communicate with them. That's why it's easy for me to understand how they feel and how they want things to be.

19. My father died when I was 18 so at an early stage I was exposed to early responsibilities. I handled our business while studying in college and sacrificed a lot of my adolescent life.

20. I love writing poems, you can check my multiply account to know what I'm talking about. sniperdope@multiply.com/journal!

21. I'm a very sensitive type of person. I don't take criticisms lightly. I get offended easily especially when I know that the one who has offended me is not even close to what I have achieved in life.

22.I want to finally make into reality (movie / film) the 15 legitimate and original scripts I’ve written in the last 7 years of my writing career.

23.I want to somehow see my kid grow on whatever way into the person I am now, reluctant, accepting, generous and sensitive to the need of others.

24.I want to experience a real, complete and an accepting family I can call my own.

25. I can be your worst nightmare given the situation and the right circumstances.

50 Greatest Romantic Movies

1. Casablanca - 1942 (Michael Curtiz)
     
       "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine..." 
        we'll always have bogey and bergman light up every best "romantic" movies list today and for posterity,. this masterpiece only gets better as time goes by...  
       



2. The Shop Around The Corner - 1940  (Ernst Lubitsch) 

      Klara Novak and Alfred Kralik are loving pen-pals, they're so into each other's letters and plan to "meet up" at a restaurant. What they do not know is they actually work side by side in a local retail shop and THEY HATE EACH other's guts. Their meeting in the finale is one of the sweetest "romantic" scenes tinseltown has ever seen.     


        

3. The Apartment - 1960 (Billy Wilder)

        The quintessential underdog love story that never fails to
uplift a sagging feeling. 
        C.C. Baxter is just another Joe in a large insurance company. He's been secretly in love with Fran Kubelik, a pretty elevator woman in their building. The problem is Fran Kubelik is in love with C.C. Baxter's boss Mr. Sheldrake who is both lecherous, and married, in that order.  

  


4. Roman Holiday - 1953 (William Wyler)
     A princess bored with her fairy-tale life and an erstwhile  scheming newspaper man spend a day amidst the beauty of Rome. Audrey Hepburn dazzled in here, winning a best actress trophy in her very first major role. And Gregory Peck was never more charming. 

Princess Ann: "I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it's MOST unusual."    




5. Cyrano de Bergerac - 1990 (Jean-Paul Rappeneau)
   
      The classic tale of unrequited love. What can be more romantic than that?
     Gerard Depardieu plays Cyrano, a famed poet whose scathing poems about the hypocrisies of France's Elite make him a romantic figure of courage and truth. But this courage that is so admired is non-existent when it comes to the object of his affections- Roxanne. Afraid that she might find his hideous nose too appalling, cyrano is reduced to a secret admirer. He consoles himself by helping another suitor of Roxanne, Christian, by writing beautful poems and passing them off as christian's own.  
   


     

6. It's A Wonderful Life - 1946 (Frank Capra)

     George Bailey is a likable man who has spent his life putting the interest of others ahead of his own. He had a great career ahead of him but chose to stay in his little town to continue helping other people. Whhen he encounters problems after problems and contemplates on committing suicide, an angel descends from heaven.
    This is more of a Christmas movie than a love story but what the heck! it's my list anyway.. =)   



7. Only Angels Have Wings - 1939 (Howard Hawks)

        What's a "Romance" list without Cary Grant??? "Only Angels have Wings" may not be his most recognized "Romantic Movie" but for some reason this movie is my favorite of all his movies, maybe because it features how camaraderie among men is often mistaken by women  for insensitivity and outright machismo. In reality men, has a radically different attitude towards friendship and love.
    This movie is under appreciated, really a gem worth seeing.   





8. In The Mood For Love - 2000 (Wong Kar Wai)
 
      Wong Kar Wai's hypnotic movie will burn itself into memory for a long long time... 
      Two neighbors, Mr Chow and Mrs Chan, suspect their respective partners of having an illicit affair. The two neightbors spend some time with each other and gradually fall in love themselves. While their partners indulge themselves, they realize the wrongness of their feelings and try "very" hard "not to be like them"...   




9. Sunrise - 1927 (F.W. Murnau)          

         Probably the greatest silent movie about love ever made. If you think a silent film cannot make you cry. This is the proof it can. 

        A farmer is tempted and cajoled by a prostitute to murder his loving wife. The farmer then led his wife to believe they're going on a boat trip to the city to see the sights but truly his nefarious plan is to kill his wife in the boat. But just as he is ready to do his wife in, he realizes the evil of it and realizes the great love he still has for his wife.

 
        

10. City Lights - 1931 (Charles Chaplin)

           In my opinion Charles Chaplin's greatest and most memorable work. 

           The Tramp falls in love with a blind flower girl. A friendship the tramp had with an eccentric millionaire presents the only chance he has to give the "light" back to the girl. Memorable for a lot of hilarious slapstick, but most incomparable with its endearing ending... 


The Next 40 films on my list:

11. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg - 1964
12. The African Queen - 1951
13. West Side Story 1961
14. Annie Hall - 1977
15. Children Of Paradise - 1945
16. Now, Voyager - 1942
17. Atonement - 2007
18. The Ghost And Mrs. Muir - 1947
19. My Fair Lady - 1964
20. Pride And Prejudice - 2005
21. The Princess Bride - 1987
22. An Affair to Remember - 1957
23. Groundhod Day - 1993
24. Love Actually - 2003
25. His Girl Friday - 1940
26. How To Steal A Million - 1966
27. It Happened One Night - 1934
28. Say Anything - 1989
29. My Favorite Wife - 1940
30. Play It again, Sam - 1972
31. Breakfast At Tiffany's - 1961
32. Waitress - 2007
33. Before Sunrise - 1995 
34. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - 2004
35. Amelie - 2001
36. When Harry Met Sally - 1989
37. The Goodbye Girl - 1977
38. Harold And Maude - 1971
39. My Man Godfrey - 1936
40. The Notebook - 2004
41. The Bridges of Madison County - 1995
42. True Romance - 1993
43. Serendipity - 2001
44. Win A Date With Tad Hamilton - 2004
45. Il Postino - 1994
46. Brief Encounter - 1945
47. Sideways - 2004
48. Hiroshima Mon Amour - 1959
49. Frankie And Johnny - 1991
50. It Could Happen To You - 1994

Deceitful Grin

        I’ve seen many smiles before. Smiles that have beautiful faces--attractive from the outside empty in the inside. It’s quite tricky to understand but true in many ways. So, what am I trying to say? It’s as simple as not all beautiful smiles deserve a second look or let us put it this way, don’t be deceived by a smile because it can make your world crushing without you even noticing it.  With that, here are some tips why you should avoid these deceitful smiles if in case you see them while minding your business.

1) They smile beautifully because they need something from you, a favor maybe or something to satisfy their desires and cravings.

2) They give out their best smiles for rebound. To finally get over somebody, they will use their tempting smiles to win over another man and use him so it will be easy for them to forget everything about their exes.

3) They smile their hearts out to get your attention and eventually fall to their worldly intentions and plans.

4) These individuals smile intentionally to boost their confidence and make others feel their superior over them.

5) People who smiles beautifully in malls and other public places are mostly callboys and prostitutes so don’t be deceived!

6) Beautiful women with beautiful faces and enticing smile are usually insane and power trippers.

7) Most people give their best smiles to make you feel comfortable, eventually making you fall and at the end dumped you because there’s a new one waiting to be victimized.

8) They smile elegantly to get even over a painful and agonizing experience.

9) Many of them display their most inviting smile to get the next big fish that come their way, if you know what I’m saying.

10) Lastly, they smile their best for the simple reason of just fooling you and laughing out real hard after seeing you in your lowest point. Fair enough? Real assholes in the making so don’t be fooled!

 

Dying In Pleasure

          If you have only a month to live what are the things you would want to accomplish before finally accepting death and giving into his glory and divine power? Well, quite a difficult question to find answers to but I guess wanting something before dying is one way we can completely understand what this vicious cycle called life and death are all about. Here are the 10 things I would want before leaving this cruel world behind. You? What’s yours?

1) I want to finally make into reality (movie / film) the 15 legitimate and original scripts I’ve written in the last 7 years of my writing career.

2) I want the people around me to be independent over me so when my time comes it will not be difficult for them to move on with their lives.

3) I want to experience a real, complete and an accepting family I can call my own.

4) I want to be known as a respectable journalist who has done his part in promoting responsible journalism.

5) I want to somehow see my kid grow on whatever way into the person I am now, reluctant, accepting, generous and sensitive to the need of others.

6) I want to travel to Spain and Italy with my special someone.

7) I want to have my own casino and recreational park named after me.

8) I want to attend mass each and every day of my last remaining days on Earth.

9) I want to have sex with all the girls I’ve been masturbating to in the 20 years of my active sex life.

10) I want to smoke playing my guitar in an isolated virgin forest with only a single lamp accompanying me as I face my final judgment as a mortal being.

 

Arvin Almighty

     Everything was odd from the start. The feeling of sudden contentment and the sudden desertion of it have gradually brought me into the world I was once in.  I was just in the high clouds yesterday. I can still feel the cold gentle wind in my arms as I walk down the aisles of eternal joy and endless conquest over the things I have prevailed over in past few days of my life. I was in great desolation and for a while I thought I had something going right in my life. How can fate be so cruel, unkind and insensitive over someone as commendable as I am?

          The sky seems recurring to its original form, its furious winds, wobbly temperament and colossal power over me is slowly eating me up again as I beseech and submit my conviction to you. I just can’t believe it. Now, I understand how life can be very exasperating…how one should not totally trust it. It will never be fair so why brawl it back on an equal footing. Damn it, my mind is clear, I know what I’m doing and I know what I’m saying but I just don’t know exactly if what I’m feeling is right. I trusted you for I know what you can and not do. I gave it all for the glory of your name. I tried everything to change and follow your way which I guess didn’t work just like what you’ve picture it when I decided to finally give in to your dominance.

           Up to know I don’t know what your plans are for me. Everything seems vague and very much unpredictable. But despite that I still and forever will be walking along your guidance and light. I want to believe that this is just one of your divine ways of making me realize that you have better plans for me. With that in mind I know I can overcome any obstacle that might come along my way. But then again, I’m just human, hurting but fighting and will perpetually be surviving. I may have complained a million times but my faith in you remains strong. I know you’re up there watching me every step of this never-ending ordeal and struggle of finding my true happiness.  Someday, I know I can rest writing sad thoughts and make this blog something positive to be proud of, much less freeing me from this confinement only me and you can understand.