Egocentric Assholes

          I was about to go home when I saw an old friend in the lobby of our office. We haven’t seen each other for a long time so we grabbed the opportunity to talk things about our lives. He was very fervent in sharing his story about his work when all of a sudden the mood changed. He became very emotional. According to him, he just resigned to his program because of a very complicated reason. I asked him about the details; he narrated everything and upon hearing it I really felt disappointed and disgusted. He was in Filipino term “dinikdik and pinagkaisahan sa trabaho”.

         Honestly, I was shocked and a bit staggered when I heard his complain because I know him since he entered the network. He is very diligent and hardworking even though he’s not one of those white-collar workers of the network. I just pitied the guy. But what’s worst and sad thing about the situation was that his superior didn’t even back him up. “Nilaglag siya” and was not given the chance to defend the accusations about him. Actually, those people who were higher than him were to blame. They were the ones who wanted him out of the show for very personal reasons. They were asked to evaluate the guy and all they gave were malicious and nasty comments about my friend. They didn’t give him constructive criticisms instead they gave him personal assaults, which made me really furious. They are bunch of hypocrites, bastards, losers and egoistic assholes. Just because they are in position doesn’t give them any right to destroy somebody else’s life.

         I would never ever do that kind of absurdity to any of my subordinates. I vow I would by no means use my position to bring down anyone especially if that person is good hearted and willing to learn or just plainly want to earn money for his family. God! It’s not about the position…it’s how you communicate and relate to your co-employee that for me matters most than anything else. Your good relationship with them whether they are janitors, security guards, segment or associate producers is a lot more important than insisting that you are superior to them and that you are their boss. Always remember, a good relationship result into what others are having difficulty in achieving…respect! That is something I know I have that took me a lot of years to gain and earn for being fair and transparent to my co-workers.

Loser's Guide

     I’ve been a loser since my childhood days, always the second best in everything I do. Up to now I may have accomplished a lot things, still not enough to be called a damn winner or a victor.  Here’s a breakdown of how you can be a successful loser right straight from the expert!

1) Always be sensitive in all you do.

2) Never accept constructive criticisms.

3) Double your failure by deciding quickly.

4) Don’t try things that are out of your comfort zone.

5) Listen more to others because they are better than you.

6) Never outshine anyone.

7) Do things as if it’s always your first time.

8) Practice ignorance always, it’s now a virtue.

9) Stop believing in your dreams.

10) Keep reminding yourself that you are nobody.

 

Castle Of Pain

          I was 19 years old when I first entered a castle. I assumed it was a castle judging by the way how a castle really looks like. It has flags of different colors all over it and towers of distinctive sizes surrounding its boundaries. The name of the castle? King Arthur’s Palace located at the heart of Pasig City. Yah it’s a motel all right but a castle truly worth entering.

           It’s funny how I was able to fool myself that I’ve been in a castle that time because after 5 years I actually was able to build my own castle. What an asshole!  I have my queen and I’m the king. But unfortunately my castle didn’t last long as I expected it to be. My reign as a king ended after years of wanting to re-unite my people and pleasing my queen.

           I was a great king then, I was loyal, true, dedicated and a good provider but no one believed me even my own people and worst my queen. Since then everyday was a struggle that eventually led to many more defeats. I was fighting my own battles alone without the help of anyone. I wanted to defend more my castle but after sometime I decided to finally surrender my territory with my life and soul on it and accepted my downfall. I don’t think its all worth the sweat and exertion.

            Yah! It’s been a long time now but my castle of pain still has never left my consciousness. Subconsciously, I’ve been wanting to reclaim it and rule it once again but I don’t think it’s possible at the moment. Its boundaries are guarded properly and I don’t think I still have the characteristics of a king that I once possess. After what happened, my dream of becoming a king once again will remain to be a dream. Not in this lifetime, that I’m sure of!

Rock The Boat

         If you think getting married is a dream come true, think again! It’s not always, “they live happily ever after” as what our fairy tale books wants us to believe in. So if you’re about to attempt this suicidal event in your life in the near future, better read these advises before finally tying the knot and leaving bachelorhood!

1) You’re done with the pleasures of the outer world.

2) Your masturbation days are really over.

3) You’re sexually compatible.

4) You know damn well your partner’s real attitude.

5) You both have the same outlook in life.

6) You’re both financially capable.

7) You’re already satisfied pampering yourself with material things.

8) You have your own place where you can start your family.

9) You’re willing to let go and accept harder responsibilities.

10) You’re marrying because you love each other and not because you need to.

Angelic Voice

         It was without a doubt the sweetest voice I ever heard; such an innocent sound…very pure and divine. The only voice I would want to pay attention to for the rest of my life. No wonder I’m falling off my comfort zone again for the very last time.

           I’ve heard her voice before, so many times in my dreams as she passes by every night touching every single element of my existence. She would whisper sweet nothings and would sing me lullabies to get me through the night.  Her endearing facial features as she soothes the night make me want to say that finally I’ve come to the end of this journey…a new beginning awaits, a new chapter in my life with you by my side.

           If only I can say what I truly feel then this dream would not end. The music will continue to bring joy and happiness. Your angelic voice will forever exist and will eternally harbor my solitude. With your heavenly hymn, I know…my life will once again see the sun rising and setting off making my life complete again!

Blue Mansion

        If I were given an opportunity to purchase one house I like, it would be this beautiful blue mansion I always go by whenever I set off for work. It’s located in a subdivision somewhere in Quezon City. The mansion is simple, very cozy and pleasing to look at. It has a little veranda, a large garden and has a magnificent view of the city. The soft and light colors of its walls compliment perfectly with the Japanese inspired architecture of its over-all look. From a far the mansion is shinning as if it’s attracting me everyday to stop for a minute and marvel at its beauty and splendor!

           I must admit yes, I always stop each time I see this marvelous mansion. I would spend five minutes of my precious time staring at the house and dreaming that someday I can own it. Looks weird but this house is really something. Its like I have a previous connection with it for so long. I really can’t explain it’s like a supernatural intervention that pulls me to stare at it and dream of it.

        This extraordinary thing and experience has been occurring for almost a year now and I promise myself that I will do just about anything to buy and have that blue mansion whatever it takes. I will work harder to reach this dream and finally have this house for good. This is probably the best gift I can give myself after years of sacrifice and disappointments!

             

Lethal Rationalization

There are 10 painless and effortless approaches to kill yourself if your back is against the wall. These may not all work for you but definitely there’s one means in this list that could gradually kill you without you noticing it.

1) Swallow your pride.

2) Please others and forget about yourself.

3) Love the one who doesn’t love you back.

4) Shut up and never express what’s inside of you.

5) Live your life as if there’s nothing wrong.

6) Don’t stop thinking of might have “beens”.

7) Work your ass out even though you’ve already accomplished everything.

8) Stay awake the whole night and go to sleep when everybody’s awake.

9) Dream big and destroy it yourself.

10) Go home everyday with no one to go home to.

Miracle Drug

        I’ve taken a lot of different drugs in my life. I’ve tasted them all and left them all behind before it could eat me up alive. I never regretted anything. I’m proud to say that yes I had my shares of ups and downs with these so called “toxin” that destroys our mind and body but I’m still here standing with my life going, I assume, in the right direction.

         Living drug free now is something I want to be happy about but not completely contended at all! I’m still searching and looking for this drug that could help me recover from my serious condition. This “miracle drug” that they say could turn anybody’s world upside down. It’s not a pill or any liquid substance that you can just swallow to feel better. It’s something you can feel and hold that promises peace of mind and serenity, it maybe an extraordinary event in your life or a special individual that can make a difference in your life. Huh! I’m not insane; this drug is for real but not for sale! That’s the sad part about it. Some people have found it and many are still searching for it. It’s a necessity I guess for desperate individuals like me who just wants to live normally like the others. 

         How I wish I could find that drug soon before I finally break down into pieces. I deserve it! I’ve been longing for something special to happen in my life and I guess my last chance is this miracle drug that everyone is looking for in his or her respective lives. Who wouldn’t want to be completely happy and contended? Of course nobody! That’s why I won’t stop searching ‘til I find that miracle drug in my life that could save my soul and my being from this life long struggle I am into right now! 

"Expectator"

         Spectator! How in the world can I miss this word? For crying out loud! It’s as simple as the words apple and orange and I screwed it up. Honestly, I didn’t notice that it was spelled wrong.  I was viewing the whole episode lightly that night. I was confident then and very much comfortable. The editing bay was calm and everyone was relaxed and undisturbed. Human error? Yah right but it’s not acceptable! This is television! There are no rooms for serious or should I say major errors just like what I’ve committed. It’s an unintentional mistake, negligence and carelessness on my part. I don’t blame anyone and I take full responsibility of the error!

          Maybe for some I would look like I’m over reacting on what has just transpired. I really don’t care. I felt humiliated and embarrassed reading negative text messages from my comrades about the incident. It’s a minimal mistake all right but it meant a lot to me and to the show. My credibility was on questioned. Trust was on the line. Lastly, my confidence plunged down to a negative one hundred after the humiliating incident.

            I don’t know how to react! I’m in shocked and I can’t think straight. I was thinking of the negative comments I would be getting to other people. The error was real. It actually happened and almost ruined my reputation. I’m very much emotional especially when my craft is on the line. I hate negative comments and criticisms because I’m not used to it. I’m used to hearing positive things and praises towards my work. Huh! I just can’t get over it! Last night was really a nightmare. But as Ma’am Patty would say. “What’s done is done. Tomorrow is another day!”  I just hope so!